Unconditional love

Unconditional Love

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” Thomas Merton 

Love is one of the most beautiful emotions granted to man and is often the least understood emotion. There is a fine line between attachment and pure love. Attachment is laden with expectations, disappointment and is all about you rather than the person being loved because attachment imposes conditions on the love being given. Whereas pure love is about acceptance, understanding and without expectations. Unconditional love creates space for another to blossom, feel nurtured and alive. 

We can love unconditionally only when we accept another completely for who they are. Everyone is a package of good and bad, likes and dislikes, joy and sorrow. Often, when we shower love, expectations start building up. We sometimes forget to pause and reflect whether the other person is capable of living up to our perceived standards and expectations. Everyone’s expression of love is different. In a traditional way of thinking, mothers express by taking care of a home and family, fathers express their love by providing security, children express their love by giving joy and laughter and teachers through guidance and so on. Each person expresses their love by playing their role. Can we accept their way of loving and just enjoy it rather than judge it? 

Our true nature is selfless and unconditional. We often forget our humanness and look for perfection in people. This causes stress in a relationship and the expression of love starts to diminish. Love has the capacity to blossom or crush a person depending upon how it is expressed. In fact, any attachment binds us and hinders our evolution and growth as a human being. Love yourself unconditionally and it immediately frees you to love others as well.

“Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood.” Karen Casey

Entrepreneurial spirit vs team spirit

Entrepreneurial spirit vs team spirit

Zubin Mehta’s orchestra performed recently in Mumbai and it was absolutely stunning to hear each musicians excel with their instrument, yet be in complete harmony with the orchestra. No musician attempts to compete or stand out, everyone accepts their role and performs seamlessly. This is true team spirit, where there is an understanding that excellence and winning occurs in collaboration. The conductor is respected for his role as well. There is no fight for glory. Sports and theatre are arenas where each player is required to play their part best in the interest of the team.

The sportsman’ spirit is often seen missing amongst corporate executives. The highest level of competition is visible amongst peers in many organizations. Greed, jealousy, competitiveness, comparison, power play and turf creations occur due to a sense of individuality and lack of empowerment. When a person feels insecure or out of control, they feel the need to exert control over others through various tactics like information or relationship withholding, lack of cooperation, inadequate transparency etc. True leaders are those who empower others, as they are confident about their abilities and comfortable taking support of others.

Over the recent few years, the fluctuations in the economic environment are creating pressure on businesses to reinvent their product offering or business strategy at a rapid pace. To cope with this level of uncertainty, senior executives are being expected to be leaders of their domain and adopt an entrepreneurial approach to work, yet be aligned with organizational goals and vision. Working from a space of empowerment rather than competition is the need of the hour.

According to Steve Jobs, entrepreneurship is about using your intuition to connect dots of opportunity that does not exist as yet and continuously cultivating it through innovation and initiative. It is this passion, leadership and zeal to create that drives performance and shapes the business. However as the business grows, the focus often shifts to managing business and attending to structured and at times mundane matters. The entrepreneur moves from a human being to human doing.  This is when there is need to be watchful of getting boxed and to retain the entrepreneurial spirit, it is helpful to engage professional management.

Entrepreneurial spirit is often misunderstood as the ability to freely run with an idea. The freedom to implement a vision demands responsibility of consequences for choices and actions and requires courage, leadership and perseverance. When executives are expected to adopt an entrepreneurial approach to work, their style of working needs to reflect the attributes of an entrepreneur without being individualistic in their inter-actions or decision-making. This often causes a dichotomy. On the one hand, there is need for free thinking, responsibility, quick decision-making and creativity and on the other hand, there is a need for accountability and structure. Executives are feeling stretched to align and work in an unstructured manner within a structure.

“The things we fear most in organizations – fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances – are the primary sources of creativity.” Margaret J. Wheatley

Earlier, people preferred to work in the same organization for 20-30 years and learnt and grew within the system. However, nowadays, people are job-hoping every 4-5 years for professional growth. Executives are challenging themselves by changing sectors, organizations, country etc. When we take away anchors, like a stable job, city, work domain etc, we need to establish personal anchors to deal with challenges of such self-created dynamism. Although, executives have the required skill set to excel in different jobs, there is often lack of emphasis on self-development and growth. To be the entrepreneur of our life, there is need to take responsibility of our emotions, choices, reactions and their consequences.

Recently, I was coaching the business head of a growing organization in a dynamic sector. He had been a part of the business since its inception and hence worn multiple hats at the same time. Now the organization had grown into multiple businesses and his role had changed from being a jack of all businesses to the master of one. He forgot that he was now the captain of his ship and no longer the mobile crew. To be a captain, the thought process has to be expansive and inclusive – envision the business strategy, take risks, motivate and collaborate with different teams and be creative.

“Players win games, teams win championships.” Bill Taylor

A true champion submerges his sense of individuality and remembers that success is directly linked with collaboration. MS Dhoni is a fine example of captaincy that led the Indian Cricket team to victory in the Cricket World Cup 2011. Dhoni remained unruffled and focused on the goal and displayed sheer grit on the field. Collaboration requires a sense of empowerment and awareness of strengths and areas where support is required to accomplish a vision. No one person is capable of doing everything. We are all pieces of a puzzle; only when we work together and fit in at the right place, are we able to complete the picture.  

Action vs Stability

Action vs Stability

Just get up and act. Over analysis cause paralysis. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes not. We have the ability to rewrite and recreate

We all go through moments when we feel paralyzed to act. It can be complete or partial depending on the perceived enormity of the task. Last year, I excitedly completed the manuscript of my book and with full faith embarked on the journey of publishing it. The entire process though frustrating at times, was enjoyable and a learning experience. As the book neared completion, I started wondering how will I promote or publicize the book. My thought process gravitated more and more towards ‘how will I do this, will I be able to do it, I hope I do well’.

Our mind has an infinite capacity to stretch and learn something new. And, this was definitely not the first time that I was trying something out of my comfort zone. Although I was in action, I allowed my imaginary perceptions about the future, the process and outcome to dominate my state of being. Aspiring for perfection (which is most subjective) hinders getting the work done and also, over analysis causes paralysis. I have always thrived on challenges. What happened this time? I lost sight of my vision – sharing knowledge.

“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.” Billy Joel

The means to a goal keeps changing due to dynamism in the environment. With the advent of social media and other technological advancements, obsolescence has become a severe challenge for many businesses. Many businesses have little option but to keep redesigning their way of doing work. Often people choose the tried and tested route or hold back from taking action because it may appear as the easier thing to do. We pay the price of diminished opportunities for growth.

Let us ask ourselves, are we getting caught in process of doing things and our self constructed perception of our abilities and outcomes and thereby, limiting ourselves. Also, is stability or inaction truly ever an option?

I have come across clients who have a preference for stability. Often when there is a shake up in the job or a need to stretch to the next level, there is inertia or sometimes, even resistance to change. Some executives prefer to stay in the same job because of fear of failure or a perceived inability to fulfill the demands of the next job. Working for many years in a particular role or organization or industry, some people develop the belief that they are not equipped to do anything new and different.

On the other hand, there are people who leave a stable job and choose to explore their passion, hobbies, dream job and such. Or some extend themselves and test their potential at various levels. For instance, Farhan Akhtar for his recently released movie, Bhag Milkha Bhag trained for over a year and half to fit the role. Many actors physically train and research exceptionally hard to slip into the demands of the character. 

The zeal to learn and challenge oneself repeatedly is what distinguishes leaders. While climbing a mountain or competing in a race, you can either focus on the finish line or keep looking at the hurdles along the way and get disheartened and disillusioned. We of course, need processes to accomplish our vision but if the mere thought of those processes makes us freeze or raise our expectations and create anxiety, introspection and reflection of our thoughts and perceptions is required to clear the fog.

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” Anais Nin

How can we stay aligned with our vision?

We all need a vision – an inspiring vision that is so deeply embedded in our whole being that we are motivated to pursue every action passionately to achieve our vision. Our vision could be as simple as raising a happy family to as expansive as being a leader of a country. Every act of commitment contributes to the society. However, often the lure of the world, our impulsive behavior or lack of clarity distracts us from our path.

To accomplish a target or picture a dream, many actors, artists, sportsmen etc adopt visualization as a technique. Visualization requires concentration and recreation of all the images, sounds and feelings in the mind surrounding an activity in the likely physical environment. Walt Disney visualized the famous character Mickey Mouse while traveling on a train and the concept of the theme parks came alive while watching his daughters play on a merry-go-round. Arnold Schwarzenegger says that he applied the principle of visualization, which he learnt in sports to his career as an actor and politician because the more clearly we see a goal and believe in a goal, the higher is our power and motivation to turn a dream into a reality.

Communication is another powerful tool to stay on course because it reinforces and validates our ability to achieve. In organizations, in heady or difficult times, senior management sometimes gets engulfed in day-to-day operations and crisis management. We often lose track of what we set out do and get absorbed in activities that take us further away from our goal. Meeting as a group and reviewing the mission statement is a helpful mechanism to step back and realign.

Often, even when people get aware of this distraction, they keep hoping and waiting for the right moment. There is no such thing as the right timing, right circumstances. The timing is right the moment we decide to get into action. The title of Richard Branson’s book, ‘Screw it, Let’s do it’ says it all. Just get up and act; our inherent nature is to learn and evolve. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes not. Remember, we have the ability to rewrite and recreate.

Fearlessness

Fearlessness

Swim fearlessly in the ocean of life with the power of self-confidence

Life occurs in action. Self-confidence or faith propels action. I was reading ‘Jack’ by Jack Welch and what struck me was the innate belief and courage that entrepreneurs possess to experiment, explore and create an enterprise. Business houses such a Tata, Ambani, Godrej, Birlas, General Electric, Virgin, etc. have got established due to the foresight and perseverance of a visionary who had the passion to commit his life to what they believed in. They are not necessarily equipped with prior knowledge of everything - sector, product, environment, culture, market, economy etc, yet they dare to walk unchartered territories. Their zeal to learn and adapt on the job is what keeps them ahead. Given the dynamism of the environment, successful leadership requires courage at every step to take risks, to carry people along, to deal with the swings of environment and to recreate rapidly.

One of vital keys to being a successful leader is to learn how to be a ‘part of the group’. There are no leaders, without people around them, and leaders need to be in sync with values of their group. Leadership is about being focused on ‘we’ rather than on ‘me’. Leaders get established through commitment to ‘oneness’ with the group and vision. There was a time when I believed that being independent translated to having the ability to do everything alone. This misplaced belief exerted pressure to be super-human and limited my growth as well as that of people around me. I now understand that being independent actually means having the ability to be vulnerable and seek support, where required. Accepting oneness has indeed been a liberating experience. I feel far more courageous today than I did ever before.  

In present times, there is higher focus on personal success relative to values such as relationships and love. This self-centeredness in thinking and living makes us feel isolated and gives rise to fears of ‘what will I do, how will I manage’. We forget time and again that the stronger our sense of individuality, the more we distance ourselves from each other. When we challenge the basic principle of inter-connectedness and inter-dependence, we multiply our sense of helplessness and live a marginalized life.

“As long as we believe ourselves to be even the least different from God, fear remains with us; but when we know ourselves to be One, fear goes; of what can we be afraid?” Swami Vivekananda

How can we cultivate the ability to live fearlessly with surrender and faith?

At an event I asked Maharaj Radhanath Swami of ISKCON, what is the fundamental distinction between spiritual Masters and others? He responded that Masters are like fish that swim deep in the ocean of faith, where waves of circumstances do not impact them. And other people are like fish that swim close to the surface of the water where waves of circumstances and hungry vultures are able to make prey of them easily.

I was born with the gift of faith and surrender; due to lack of awareness and appreciation of these attributes, they got diminished in the sea of experiences. Circumstances propelled me to inquire deep within and recreate. Knowledge of the Truth and living with oneness – knowledge that we are creations of nature, interconnected and designed to perform our role – has empowered me.

In my younger days, I subconsciously followed my intuition and life was synonymous to standing at the edge of a diving board, wherein I just jumped into a situation that felt right. I had this innate belief and trust in life that when I jump, either I would learn to swim and therefore, what’s the worry or if I drown, then that’s the end of worry. Strangely, the thought of turning back or injury never crossed my mind. It may sound highly simplistic and flawed but I have learnt over analysis often causes paralysis. Pat yourself on the back and renew your self-confidence by recounting and focusing on your achievements, however small. We often under-estimate or lose sight of our potential. As adults, we have to trust in our experiences, our learning, our strengths and above all, our ability to stand up again after a fall.

Building and staying established in faith requires constant focus and discipline. The way we learn any activity through repeat practice till it becomes a subconscious part of us, similarly, having faith in our inner powerhouse too requires constant focus. As creations of nature, we are gifted with inherent attributes such as happiness, courage, resilience, etc. We can use mantras, prayers, rituals, yoga as powerful tools to purify and strengthen the mind. In India, the power of prayer surrounds us at all times with the presence of temples, mosques, churches, etc.

Nature provides for everything, we simply need to open our hearts and reconnect. Although we observe nature’s movements and we know that our life is orchestrated, we still fall into the trap of emotions, anxiety or worry. Life repeatedly proves to us that we are protected; yet we are unable to accept this reality unflinchingly. We are so habituated to seeking proof that our need for conviction keeps coming in the way. We find it difficult to trust and surrender because it requires us to completely submerge our sense of individuality. The sun shines irrespective of whether we choose to open our windows or not. Open the curtains and windows of your heart to allow the sunshine to pour in and nourish it.

“Faith is a living, daring confidence in God’s grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times.” Martin Luther King