I, Me and myself
What do you think about or who do you think about all day. If you are young, you are likely to think about your school, your grades, how good or bad are your teachers, friends or parents. If you are older and working, you may think about your boss, your job, your promotion, pay package and maybe your marriage.
How often do you think about anything other than yourself or the inner circle that is impacting you? How often do you think about the poor beggar on the street who may not have got his next meal or that orphan child who didn’t get a hug?
Did you know that your survival is practically guaranteed because you are that one in a million sperm that is living? Is there really need to worry about surviving? No, yet we live our life worrying will I survive the next circumstance. Did you pause and ask yourself, when did I live my life and actually cherish every moment and enjoy little aspects of life?
As a student, I can’t recall a day when my prayers were not directed towards my school grades or that I wish my parents listened to me or that I could have more fun. Rarely, did I issue a prayer in service of anyone else. As I grew up the prayers changed from school to university and then work life, but they were mostly directed towards my success. Moving on, the prayers changed to finding a good life partner and then having healthy children. How selfish and limited was my thinking! No wonder there was limited contentment in my life.
Even though I grew up in India, a land of paradox and a society that offers the opportunity to actually look at every duality of life – wealth-poverty, villas-homeless, loved-orphaned, physically able-handicapped etc. Life’s realities stare into your face at every junction of life, yet you ignorantly move on in a bubble world of your own. Your mind obsessively revolves around thoughts such as your need for love, your need for freedom, your need for success, your need for money, your need for power. All thoughts surround around I, Me and Myself. How can you be happy when all you are thinking about is you? You are actually drowning in your self created sea of emotions.
If I allow my mind to indulge in thoughts about my own emotions, I will fall into a crevasse. I will go deeper and deeper into feeling bad, sad and mad. Only if I am able to discipline my mind into thinking something other than my fears, my ego or my needs, chances are I may be able to listen to what’s going on outside of me and which is more relevant because ultimately it’s the outside world that is going to impact my life.
Oscar Wilde said, “A man who is the master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them and to dominate them.”
Monday, September 5, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Go with the Flow
Go with the flow
I attended a talk given by Mr Werner Erhard, founder of Landmark Education, who said, “Masters of life (all those he had met) dont think about life – they are in a dance with life!” This was news to me that you can acquire mastery by dancing with life moment to moment. They don’t think about life.
I have never stopped thinking and the concept of not thinking scares me. Thoughts! They are my identity, they are my validation, they are my sustenance, they keep me occupied and are my single biggest companion. I don’t know a life without thoughts. A life of nothingness! How is it possible to live such a life? This is the secret that was revealed by the wise spiritual gurus.
Human beings are all gifted with four major parts – body, mind, intellect and divine spirit/energy. The body is our vehicle of sensory pleasures such as taste, smell, hearing, speech and seeing. We experience the world and its objects through our senses and collate our information through them. Our mind is the centre of perception and how we react to the information we acquire is determined by the mind. The mind expresses emotions such as fear, greed, anger, joy, sorrow etc as soon as it perceives the information that has been received by the bodily senses. The intellect discriminates or defines these perceptions as good or bad, right or wrong, yes or no and propels the body into action.
The more importance we give to the body, mind and intellect, the less space we allow for the divine spirit to flow in us. If we compare ourselves to a car, our body is like the exterior of the car, the mind is like engine and the intellect is like the brake and accelerator. The fuel is the essential component without which none of the above can move ahead. A car is refueled and serviced regularly to ensure it functions efficiently. How often do we service our engine or refuel ourselves? The fact is that we have got the fuel and engine (ability to think and decide and divine energy) for free upon birth and that’s why we don’t value it as much till we are ready to lose it upon death. It is often on the death bed or in near death experiences that we start looking at what can I do differently to live a better life or how can I live a life of fewer regrets. Until then, we keep hurtling along pressing the break and accelerator as and when we feel like and we agonize each time there is an accident.
Then how can we reduce or avoid these accidents. We live our life based on how it occurs to us or how we perceive it. If I see my life as tough, it will constantly be tough because every situation will be a challenge and every moment will be a struggle and every event will be a test to prove myself better. If I see life as easy, I may not make an effort to learn and work hard because I may become indifferent. However, if I see life as a divine gift, I will make optimum use of the gifts of mind, body, intellect and have gratitude and appreciation for the same.
Every aspect of a human being needs care and looking after just like a car needs regular maintenance. The body needs to be kept hygienically clean and healthy and for that one needs to eat the correct kind of food. For instance, in a petrol car you will fill petrol and in a diesel car you will fill diesel, not vice versa. Sadly, in present times, the emphasis given to the body is so high or rather media uses it very effectively to exploit this human weakness and people succumb to the same associating with the body as a way to gain importance, success, competitions to the point of suffering.
The way every car looks different, with different shape, colour and engine horse power yet runs on the same fuel, every human being looks different but is made up of the same divine energy. Like cars, we serve in different aspects of life – a SUV carries more people than a Nano, a Ferrari runs faster than an ambassador. The only way both the car and human beings can fulfill their purpose is when they are in action.
The mind helps to collect information and synthesize the same for taking the action. And the intellect helps to discriminate what to do or not to do. The mind needs to stay alert and up to date on information since the world changes rapidly and the intellect needs to stay sharp to adapt to current circumstances.
Now, there is something beyond the body, mind and intellect that tells us what is right for us. That guide or little voice is the divine energy or divine spirit. This may be better understood with an example – my nose smells food. My mind recognizes the smell as the familiar likeable taste and urges me forward. My intellect tells me that it is not good for me because it is high in fat and unhealthy. However, lack of self control or rather my inability to listen to that voice because of an over-powering emotional need to taste the food; I end up eating the food. The more I listen to that little voice, guide and true friend, the better is the quality of my life.
How do I listen to this voice? First and foremost, you need to have faith in its existence and accept it as your best friend. Then an effort is required to quite the noisy thoughts caused by the waves of emotions and the judgments and perceptions. We are so attuned to listening to our emotional thoughts and judgments that we rarely allow ourselves to listen beyond. The sound of the inner voice is so subtle, that it can be heard only when there is complete silence inside. In that moment of silence, what you hear is your true guide. Our egoistic mind and intellect often defy the message because human beings are not used to listening to the messenger.
Therefore, if we allow ourselves to listen to the inner voice and we allow time to play its role in our life, and treat life as a dance, wherein we need to simply go with the tune, our pain is minimized and life becomes an enjoyable journey.
Franklin D Roosevelt aptly said, “We can gain no lasting peace if we approach it with suspicion and mistrust or with fear. We can gain only if we proceed with the understanding, the confidence and the courage which flow from conviction.”
I attended a talk given by Mr Werner Erhard, founder of Landmark Education, who said, “Masters of life (all those he had met) dont think about life – they are in a dance with life!” This was news to me that you can acquire mastery by dancing with life moment to moment. They don’t think about life.
I have never stopped thinking and the concept of not thinking scares me. Thoughts! They are my identity, they are my validation, they are my sustenance, they keep me occupied and are my single biggest companion. I don’t know a life without thoughts. A life of nothingness! How is it possible to live such a life? This is the secret that was revealed by the wise spiritual gurus.
Human beings are all gifted with four major parts – body, mind, intellect and divine spirit/energy. The body is our vehicle of sensory pleasures such as taste, smell, hearing, speech and seeing. We experience the world and its objects through our senses and collate our information through them. Our mind is the centre of perception and how we react to the information we acquire is determined by the mind. The mind expresses emotions such as fear, greed, anger, joy, sorrow etc as soon as it perceives the information that has been received by the bodily senses. The intellect discriminates or defines these perceptions as good or bad, right or wrong, yes or no and propels the body into action.
The more importance we give to the body, mind and intellect, the less space we allow for the divine spirit to flow in us. If we compare ourselves to a car, our body is like the exterior of the car, the mind is like engine and the intellect is like the brake and accelerator. The fuel is the essential component without which none of the above can move ahead. A car is refueled and serviced regularly to ensure it functions efficiently. How often do we service our engine or refuel ourselves? The fact is that we have got the fuel and engine (ability to think and decide and divine energy) for free upon birth and that’s why we don’t value it as much till we are ready to lose it upon death. It is often on the death bed or in near death experiences that we start looking at what can I do differently to live a better life or how can I live a life of fewer regrets. Until then, we keep hurtling along pressing the break and accelerator as and when we feel like and we agonize each time there is an accident.
Then how can we reduce or avoid these accidents. We live our life based on how it occurs to us or how we perceive it. If I see my life as tough, it will constantly be tough because every situation will be a challenge and every moment will be a struggle and every event will be a test to prove myself better. If I see life as easy, I may not make an effort to learn and work hard because I may become indifferent. However, if I see life as a divine gift, I will make optimum use of the gifts of mind, body, intellect and have gratitude and appreciation for the same.
Every aspect of a human being needs care and looking after just like a car needs regular maintenance. The body needs to be kept hygienically clean and healthy and for that one needs to eat the correct kind of food. For instance, in a petrol car you will fill petrol and in a diesel car you will fill diesel, not vice versa. Sadly, in present times, the emphasis given to the body is so high or rather media uses it very effectively to exploit this human weakness and people succumb to the same associating with the body as a way to gain importance, success, competitions to the point of suffering.
The way every car looks different, with different shape, colour and engine horse power yet runs on the same fuel, every human being looks different but is made up of the same divine energy. Like cars, we serve in different aspects of life – a SUV carries more people than a Nano, a Ferrari runs faster than an ambassador. The only way both the car and human beings can fulfill their purpose is when they are in action.
The mind helps to collect information and synthesize the same for taking the action. And the intellect helps to discriminate what to do or not to do. The mind needs to stay alert and up to date on information since the world changes rapidly and the intellect needs to stay sharp to adapt to current circumstances.
Now, there is something beyond the body, mind and intellect that tells us what is right for us. That guide or little voice is the divine energy or divine spirit. This may be better understood with an example – my nose smells food. My mind recognizes the smell as the familiar likeable taste and urges me forward. My intellect tells me that it is not good for me because it is high in fat and unhealthy. However, lack of self control or rather my inability to listen to that voice because of an over-powering emotional need to taste the food; I end up eating the food. The more I listen to that little voice, guide and true friend, the better is the quality of my life.
How do I listen to this voice? First and foremost, you need to have faith in its existence and accept it as your best friend. Then an effort is required to quite the noisy thoughts caused by the waves of emotions and the judgments and perceptions. We are so attuned to listening to our emotional thoughts and judgments that we rarely allow ourselves to listen beyond. The sound of the inner voice is so subtle, that it can be heard only when there is complete silence inside. In that moment of silence, what you hear is your true guide. Our egoistic mind and intellect often defy the message because human beings are not used to listening to the messenger.
Therefore, if we allow ourselves to listen to the inner voice and we allow time to play its role in our life, and treat life as a dance, wherein we need to simply go with the tune, our pain is minimized and life becomes an enjoyable journey.
Franklin D Roosevelt aptly said, “We can gain no lasting peace if we approach it with suspicion and mistrust or with fear. We can gain only if we proceed with the understanding, the confidence and the courage which flow from conviction.”
Life is an Illusion
Illusion
Saint Vyasa in his epic tale, The Mahabharata depicted a human being through an amazingly creative medium using symbolic representation such as chariot, horses, reins etc. The chariot signifies the human body, the horses – the senses, reins – your ability to control your desires, Arjuna – the mind, Krishna – intellect. The chariot i.e. the human body is designed to be in action, Arjuna i.e. the mind is a passenger who is designed to get carried away by the emotions unless controlled by the charioteer, Krishna, the subtle intellect through a firm hold of the reins to control the senses.
Saint Vyasa has cleverly revealed the intrinsic purpose of life and how to achieve it with this powerful yet simple visual representation. Our life, from birth to death is an accumulation of experiences and we all make our own story through our interpretations. The story is formed based on how we see, hear or feel about each occurrence in life. Our emotions are at play all times. We see each occurrence through the lens of emotions and react externally in our environment based on emotional interpretation.
Greed, anger, envy, jealousy, pride, lust; all these emotions play a significant role in our actions. If your thought process is governed by pride, the likelihood of arrogance showing up in your inter-actions is very high. Similarly, if the underlying thought is that of jealousy or envy, then comparison and/or revenge may show up outwardly. Each time you allow these emotions to influence your thought process; they rule your actions, shape your personality, shape your relationships and shape your life.
My younger son reminded me of a nursery rhyme that aptly and profoundly enumerates the art of living;
“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream,
Merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream!”
The human body is designed to be in action and hence, it needs a place to play and enact. The universe is like our personal playground. All the elements of Creation i.e. natural resources, solar system, plants, animals and human beings are mediums for your experiments and ways to be constructively occupied, where there are innumerable options and opportunities to contribute through our various gifts of art, music, science, medicine etc. Human beings are the only Creation that have the option and opportunity to choose how and where to act. Unlike animals and plants, human beings are not programmed in their reactions. They are gifted with a certain type of intelligence and way of perception but they reserve the choice of reaction to their circumstances.
Essentially, if you don’t know where you will be born, the type of intelligence will be gifted with, the type perception lens you will be born with and you don’t know when and where you are going to die; what is it that you can determine – control over your reactions and actions. Unlike other living creatures, human beings have been gifted with free will to decide. Situations, opportunities, circumstances, people come our way, what we do with them is our choice. We are born to contribute through our intelligence and skill as we learn to understand and control our emotions and behavior and act freely in this world; yet we complicate life by falling prey to our emotions and suffering. Do we suffer and how. We spend our life trying to unravel this mystery called life. If we simply allow ourselves to follow the design of creation by using our intelligence and our preceptors, with control over our emotions, our life becomes effortless.
“A house must be built on solid foundations if it is to last. The same principle applies to man; otherwise he too will sink back into the soft ground and becomes swallowed up by the world of illusion.” Sai Baba
The intellect i.e. the tool of discrimination is given to choose (think and decide) to act effortlessly and contribute effectively through our vehicle of action, the body. The more you develop or use your intellect, the easier it gets to live life. Often you will observe a pattern of occurrences. Events of a similar nature occur till you do not learn to understand and control the underlying emotion that is causing the series of events and grow from there on. We suffer due to our emotional attachment to people, things or outcome of our actions.
Essentially, all the events and circumstances occur in your life in different shapes and sizes but with similar messages simply to make you evolve. As you understand and reduce unnecessary interpretations and the impact of emotions such as fear, greed, lust, anger, expectations, attachment etc on your life, the higher is your ability to see the meaning of life.
We are born through our parents who impart life and values to us. Parents are meant to be mediums of giving life, take responsibility for the life that they have brought into this world until the child is an independent adult. However, in this process of fulfilling their duties, they get emotionally attached and build expectations from their children. A sense of duty comes towards your parents because you take so much from them. Your family members are called “relations” because your birth is related to them. It is these emotional expectations that give colour to our life and add emotional conflict to our lives and cause suffering. Similarly, circumstances are also part of this process of evolution.
If you look at life as a tap of water and yourself as a pot; you can sit under the tap upside down and let all the water flow past or sit under the tap facing up and fill your pot with water. The more you choose to learn and receive from each situation and opportunity, the more you enjoy life.
An illusion is a distortion of the senses and illusions distort reality. Because we live our life through our senses and interpret every event and circumstance through our senses of hearing, feeling etc, we create illusions around ourselves and are unable to elevate beyond to just act freely and fearlessly. If you look closely at yourself and reflect on your actions, there is invariably a grip of emotions governing our inter-actions with the external world.
Do you ever truly possess anyone or anything? Yet this is the most common illusion that is shared by most people. They live their life believing that they possess their children, husband, wife, subordinates and so on. Then they try to control each one to their benefit and get disappointed because they are unable to achieve the desired outcome. They get so attached to wanting to control and the other person gets attached to wanting to be free and life’s drama unfolds. We experience stress and suffer anxiety. What is truly required is for a person to be in control of their emotions and not allow another to impact their emotional equilibrium. Then only one is able to play fully and whole-heartedly in this playground of Creation and enjoy every aspect of it.
“A wise man, recognizing that the world is but an illusion, does not act as if it is real, so he escapes suffering.” Buddha
Saint Vyasa in his epic tale, The Mahabharata depicted a human being through an amazingly creative medium using symbolic representation such as chariot, horses, reins etc. The chariot signifies the human body, the horses – the senses, reins – your ability to control your desires, Arjuna – the mind, Krishna – intellect. The chariot i.e. the human body is designed to be in action, Arjuna i.e. the mind is a passenger who is designed to get carried away by the emotions unless controlled by the charioteer, Krishna, the subtle intellect through a firm hold of the reins to control the senses.
Saint Vyasa has cleverly revealed the intrinsic purpose of life and how to achieve it with this powerful yet simple visual representation. Our life, from birth to death is an accumulation of experiences and we all make our own story through our interpretations. The story is formed based on how we see, hear or feel about each occurrence in life. Our emotions are at play all times. We see each occurrence through the lens of emotions and react externally in our environment based on emotional interpretation.
Greed, anger, envy, jealousy, pride, lust; all these emotions play a significant role in our actions. If your thought process is governed by pride, the likelihood of arrogance showing up in your inter-actions is very high. Similarly, if the underlying thought is that of jealousy or envy, then comparison and/or revenge may show up outwardly. Each time you allow these emotions to influence your thought process; they rule your actions, shape your personality, shape your relationships and shape your life.
My younger son reminded me of a nursery rhyme that aptly and profoundly enumerates the art of living;
“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream,
Merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream!”
The human body is designed to be in action and hence, it needs a place to play and enact. The universe is like our personal playground. All the elements of Creation i.e. natural resources, solar system, plants, animals and human beings are mediums for your experiments and ways to be constructively occupied, where there are innumerable options and opportunities to contribute through our various gifts of art, music, science, medicine etc. Human beings are the only Creation that have the option and opportunity to choose how and where to act. Unlike animals and plants, human beings are not programmed in their reactions. They are gifted with a certain type of intelligence and way of perception but they reserve the choice of reaction to their circumstances.
Essentially, if you don’t know where you will be born, the type of intelligence will be gifted with, the type perception lens you will be born with and you don’t know when and where you are going to die; what is it that you can determine – control over your reactions and actions. Unlike other living creatures, human beings have been gifted with free will to decide. Situations, opportunities, circumstances, people come our way, what we do with them is our choice. We are born to contribute through our intelligence and skill as we learn to understand and control our emotions and behavior and act freely in this world; yet we complicate life by falling prey to our emotions and suffering. Do we suffer and how. We spend our life trying to unravel this mystery called life. If we simply allow ourselves to follow the design of creation by using our intelligence and our preceptors, with control over our emotions, our life becomes effortless.
“A house must be built on solid foundations if it is to last. The same principle applies to man; otherwise he too will sink back into the soft ground and becomes swallowed up by the world of illusion.” Sai Baba
The intellect i.e. the tool of discrimination is given to choose (think and decide) to act effortlessly and contribute effectively through our vehicle of action, the body. The more you develop or use your intellect, the easier it gets to live life. Often you will observe a pattern of occurrences. Events of a similar nature occur till you do not learn to understand and control the underlying emotion that is causing the series of events and grow from there on. We suffer due to our emotional attachment to people, things or outcome of our actions.
Essentially, all the events and circumstances occur in your life in different shapes and sizes but with similar messages simply to make you evolve. As you understand and reduce unnecessary interpretations and the impact of emotions such as fear, greed, lust, anger, expectations, attachment etc on your life, the higher is your ability to see the meaning of life.
We are born through our parents who impart life and values to us. Parents are meant to be mediums of giving life, take responsibility for the life that they have brought into this world until the child is an independent adult. However, in this process of fulfilling their duties, they get emotionally attached and build expectations from their children. A sense of duty comes towards your parents because you take so much from them. Your family members are called “relations” because your birth is related to them. It is these emotional expectations that give colour to our life and add emotional conflict to our lives and cause suffering. Similarly, circumstances are also part of this process of evolution.
If you look at life as a tap of water and yourself as a pot; you can sit under the tap upside down and let all the water flow past or sit under the tap facing up and fill your pot with water. The more you choose to learn and receive from each situation and opportunity, the more you enjoy life.
An illusion is a distortion of the senses and illusions distort reality. Because we live our life through our senses and interpret every event and circumstance through our senses of hearing, feeling etc, we create illusions around ourselves and are unable to elevate beyond to just act freely and fearlessly. If you look closely at yourself and reflect on your actions, there is invariably a grip of emotions governing our inter-actions with the external world.
Do you ever truly possess anyone or anything? Yet this is the most common illusion that is shared by most people. They live their life believing that they possess their children, husband, wife, subordinates and so on. Then they try to control each one to their benefit and get disappointed because they are unable to achieve the desired outcome. They get so attached to wanting to control and the other person gets attached to wanting to be free and life’s drama unfolds. We experience stress and suffer anxiety. What is truly required is for a person to be in control of their emotions and not allow another to impact their emotional equilibrium. Then only one is able to play fully and whole-heartedly in this playground of Creation and enjoy every aspect of it.
“A wise man, recognizing that the world is but an illusion, does not act as if it is real, so he escapes suffering.” Buddha
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Emergence of Ego
Emergence of Ego
We live our life like a Ferris wheel; one moment, up, another moment, down. You are either trying to manage your emotions or that of others around. This creates a feeling of frustration, helplessness, resulting in outbursts of anger. Do you often wonder if life was meant to be so?
Every human is keen to find happiness in life, the question often remains “how?” In that desire to find happiness, people work hard to get good grades at school, then starts the race for university, then the race for a job, then the race for marriage, children and so on. This race does not end till your last breath unless you choose to step out of the race and actually look for happiness inside yourself rather than through the various races. Each race is temporary and transient and the outcome is dependant upon a multiplicity of factors, many uncontrollable. However, time and again we are made to believe that the outcome of every success is dependant upon “Me” and if we do not achieve it, then “I” am a failure.
For instance, let’s look at a cricket match. The success of the match is not just dependant upon the players of the winning team. Behind the match there is the effort of two teams, the coaches, the sacrifice of the families, the love of fans and supporters, the media, the grass on which they play, the weather and many more. However, we only applaud the winning team or sometimes just the high scorers. What about all those who are silent contributors. As a batsman or bowler of the winning team, you are one of the “mediums’ of action” in the sequence to success. If you are the last one to swing the bat or bowl a ball i.e. pull the trigger and hence take the highest risk, the responsibility for that action also becomes the highest and so does the reward.
We are all like the links of a chain – inter-connected and inter-dependent. No one can work alone or win alone or achieve anything alone. Any such belief is harbored by the “I”. This “I” is the Ego, a sense of individuality. The ego limits our experiences of the world to our sensory judgments of seeing, hearing, feeling, touching and tasting. When we relate to life through these limited senses, we are unable to enjoy the subtle experiences which are actually the privilege of only human beings. We are unable to perceive creatively the subtle messages of Creation. It is this ego that starts thinking and attributing every success and failure to itself. It is this “I” that creates the feeling of joy or sorrow. It is this “I” that shapes the personality of a person, thereby contributing to behaviors such as arrogance or defeatist or skeptic.
People get so used to living in the belief that it is “I” who is successful; it is “I” who is in control; that it is difficult to change. We get caught in a vicious web of our own creation. Either we react to people or people react to us and this process goes on and on. The power to come out of this web is within you. It requires, above all, a desire, a willingness to accept your persona and to change perceptions.
The human personality is the most complex design amongst living and the path of self discovery and the shedding of the “I” is unique. It is painful to shed the persona one has lived with and think that the life you lived was all self created and take responsibility for all the actions. As you peel the layers covering your true self, your heart fills with a sense of calm that is unparallel to any other experience. You can be in control of your happiness. You can design your life and not live a life full of accidental occurrences. If you do your best in relation to others, the room for angst reduces. Your head and heart feel free and your fatigue levels go down. Your energy levels increase, your error levels reduce and you are able to achieve more with less effort. A sense of appreciation, gratitude and abundance starts seeping in.
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power,” Lao Tzu
We live our life like a Ferris wheel; one moment, up, another moment, down. You are either trying to manage your emotions or that of others around. This creates a feeling of frustration, helplessness, resulting in outbursts of anger. Do you often wonder if life was meant to be so?
Every human is keen to find happiness in life, the question often remains “how?” In that desire to find happiness, people work hard to get good grades at school, then starts the race for university, then the race for a job, then the race for marriage, children and so on. This race does not end till your last breath unless you choose to step out of the race and actually look for happiness inside yourself rather than through the various races. Each race is temporary and transient and the outcome is dependant upon a multiplicity of factors, many uncontrollable. However, time and again we are made to believe that the outcome of every success is dependant upon “Me” and if we do not achieve it, then “I” am a failure.
For instance, let’s look at a cricket match. The success of the match is not just dependant upon the players of the winning team. Behind the match there is the effort of two teams, the coaches, the sacrifice of the families, the love of fans and supporters, the media, the grass on which they play, the weather and many more. However, we only applaud the winning team or sometimes just the high scorers. What about all those who are silent contributors. As a batsman or bowler of the winning team, you are one of the “mediums’ of action” in the sequence to success. If you are the last one to swing the bat or bowl a ball i.e. pull the trigger and hence take the highest risk, the responsibility for that action also becomes the highest and so does the reward.
We are all like the links of a chain – inter-connected and inter-dependent. No one can work alone or win alone or achieve anything alone. Any such belief is harbored by the “I”. This “I” is the Ego, a sense of individuality. The ego limits our experiences of the world to our sensory judgments of seeing, hearing, feeling, touching and tasting. When we relate to life through these limited senses, we are unable to enjoy the subtle experiences which are actually the privilege of only human beings. We are unable to perceive creatively the subtle messages of Creation. It is this ego that starts thinking and attributing every success and failure to itself. It is this “I” that creates the feeling of joy or sorrow. It is this “I” that shapes the personality of a person, thereby contributing to behaviors such as arrogance or defeatist or skeptic.
People get so used to living in the belief that it is “I” who is successful; it is “I” who is in control; that it is difficult to change. We get caught in a vicious web of our own creation. Either we react to people or people react to us and this process goes on and on. The power to come out of this web is within you. It requires, above all, a desire, a willingness to accept your persona and to change perceptions.
The human personality is the most complex design amongst living and the path of self discovery and the shedding of the “I” is unique. It is painful to shed the persona one has lived with and think that the life you lived was all self created and take responsibility for all the actions. As you peel the layers covering your true self, your heart fills with a sense of calm that is unparallel to any other experience. You can be in control of your happiness. You can design your life and not live a life full of accidental occurrences. If you do your best in relation to others, the room for angst reduces. Your head and heart feel free and your fatigue levels go down. Your energy levels increase, your error levels reduce and you are able to achieve more with less effort. A sense of appreciation, gratitude and abundance starts seeping in.
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power,” Lao Tzu
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Perfection in Creation
Perfection in creation
We are born perfect. The home we are born in, the date, time and even the physical appearance are not determined by us or our parents. All these factors are pre-determined because our contribution to humanity happens best from there on. Given a choice, every person would want to be born in a palace with all material comforts and happiness. No one would want to be born on the street and have a life of poverty and misery.
I would like to narrate how a rebellious person transformed into powerful leader. His grandmother died upon the birth her son and his grandfather sadly blamed his son for the death of his wife. He denied his son love and affection. The son grew up into a strong and successful businessman, with incompleteness in his heart. He never knew how to express love freely because he was not comfortable with expression of love. This had a ripple effect on the next generation – the leader perceived his father’s distant behavior as his own inadequacy and grew into a rebel. Later in life, an understanding of the dynamics of his family relationships made him aware of the impact in his life. Today he supports hundreds of people with his compassion and courage to re-discover and love themselves.
Essentially, you can either live your entire life on the foundation of “Why Me” or confront the loop and seek to change that pattern. Was being born to an unexpressive father his fault? Did he choose to be born there? Of course, not! The stronger the grip of fears, the more difficult we make it for ourselves to receive or give love. We are too scared to receive. Once again our fear of rejection or our fear of getting disappointed prevents us from giving openly.
Our actions are a reflection of our desires to obtain the love of another person. We are able to express and love freely when we feel safe and secure or rather when there are no fears. Fears grip our life and create barriers. We live our entire life surrounded by fears and that is the highest energy that we absorb. There is fear of not looking pretty or handsome, fear of not being accepted (ie rejection) in society, fear of not being accepted by our own parents, fear of looking like a fool, fear of losing money, fear of discrimination, fear of health and above all fear of death.
Fear is as much a reality as is love. We live through our fears and miss out on the potential love in our life. We express fear by being judgmental in our day to day inter-action. Our fears make us perceive ourselves as imperfect. We attempt to create perfection in ourselves by either looking more beautiful or over-working ourselves. We equate physical beauty and hard work as expressions of perfections. Nature is perfect as it is. You cannot change the way you were created. What you can change is the way you think about yourself.
When we see imperfections in ourselves, we only look at the imperfections of another for solace. It helps us love ourselves better. We spend our life trying to change what we cannot, till we discover and accept the perfection in our creation.
We are not imperfect. It’s our perception of “Self” that makes us appear as imperfect. Our surroundings create the myth of imperfection and we continuously strive towards perfection. It’s a perfect design of God to make mankind work hard to invent technology, write literary jewels, paint masterpieces, play melodious music, cook delicious food and so on. All these creations enrich our life. We are own critique and admirer. Self criticism makes us achieve or resign in life and self admiration makes us confident or arrogant. It’s a challenge to maintain the balance between achievement and confidence sans arrogance. Similarly, resignation and cynicism lead to inaction or under-utilization of potential.
For example, a parent who has lived a life of financial struggle suffocates himself with the fear of failure and often pressurizes his child with the deep desire to overcome that imperfection. Consequently, the child is unable to discover his true medium of expression and lives his life only fulfilling his parents’ expectations. His self discovery remains incomplete despite the parents’ best intentions. The deepest desire to discover oneself is often suppressed by the desire to fulfill the expectations of the world rather than design a life of freedom.
We get obsessively attached to our own concept of perfection and the balance in life gets tipped. We then look for ways and means to correct that balance. That perfect child is now perceived as an imperfect adult. We need to re-discover that perfection. Our sufferings are reminders of our true purpose of life. We evolve with each experience. Freely sharing and giving happiness to those who see themselves as less perfect, is the least we can do.
Life is surrounded by dualities. Life and death. Sunrise and sunset. Grasslands and deserts. Oceans and land. Rain and drought. Similarly, there are dualities in day to day life. Rich and poor. Old and young. Happy and sad. Tears and smiles. Ignorance and knowledge. Fear and love are two such similar aspects. Our fear makes us seek out knowledge and grow. Love makes us help others grow and love ourselves. We see them yet we do not understand the significance of these dualities. The biggest gift that we can give to anyone is the confidence to embrace their fears. Knowledge is the best form of contribution and it gives people the strength to love themselves.
How do we overcome fear and embrace love? Courage!! It takes tremendous courage to be live according to principles such as honesty and justice. The fear of isolation and being denied by society weakens the mind to succumb. It requires discipline to walk on the path of Truth and although we often deter from the path, we have the power to re-create and walk stronger.
Courage is the tool that supports us to discover ourselves. Mahatma Gandhi was an epitome of courage. It was his courage, the leadership that gave access to people to discover their right to live independently. “I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.” ~~ Mahatma Gandhi. It was that awareness and acceptance of Self that gave him the courage to express freely. Mahatma Gandhi was neither tall, nor handsome, nor did he come from a rich or influential family. “To find Truth completely is to realize oneself and one's destiny, i.e., to become perfect. I am painfully conscious of my imperfections, and therein lies all the strength I posses, because it is a rare thing for a man to know his own limitations.”
Our life is surrounded by material temptations. There are many luxury brands that sell expensive clothes, shoes, jewelry, pens, and artifacts. Brands like Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Tiffany, Mont Blanc etc command a cache’ value in the market. The products sell at a premium because these brands acquire a distinction in society through their consistency in quality, marketing and branding techniques.
The level of importance given to such possessions, at times, takes away the pleasure of consumption. Women often want their husbands to buy expensive things for them as an affirmation of love. They confuse gifts with love to the extent that their happiness becomes dependent upon them. Men are expected to woo women with expensive gifts rather than with acts of love. A simple hug which says “I understand your pain” is far more powerful than a 10 carat diamond ring. Whereas, there are many who would say, why can’t I get both?
There is no end to greed. Greed does not satisfy the deeper need for affection and love. I am not saying that there is anything wrong in wearing a diamond ring. The issue of greed versus need arises when that diamond ring becomes more important than the person who gave it you.
The gifts or type of celebration on an anniversary or birthday or child birth become more important than the reason for the celebration. The success of an event takes precedence over the significance of the event. It becomes a socially competitive game. People develop fears of not looking appropriate in society. One-up-manship compels some to buy new clothes for every dinner party, new venue and menu for every occasion and party organizers to perfect the ambience. Fears of non-acceptance overwhelm many people. The desire to “fit in” weakens the mind and causes people to build their life on others’ whims rather than on personal beliefs.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “That voice within tells me, ‘You’ have to stand against the whole world although you may have to stand alone. You have to stare in the face the whole world although the world may look at you with blood-shot eyes. Do not fear. Trust the little voice residing within your heart."
We are born perfect. The home we are born in, the date, time and even the physical appearance are not determined by us or our parents. All these factors are pre-determined because our contribution to humanity happens best from there on. Given a choice, every person would want to be born in a palace with all material comforts and happiness. No one would want to be born on the street and have a life of poverty and misery.
I would like to narrate how a rebellious person transformed into powerful leader. His grandmother died upon the birth her son and his grandfather sadly blamed his son for the death of his wife. He denied his son love and affection. The son grew up into a strong and successful businessman, with incompleteness in his heart. He never knew how to express love freely because he was not comfortable with expression of love. This had a ripple effect on the next generation – the leader perceived his father’s distant behavior as his own inadequacy and grew into a rebel. Later in life, an understanding of the dynamics of his family relationships made him aware of the impact in his life. Today he supports hundreds of people with his compassion and courage to re-discover and love themselves.
Essentially, you can either live your entire life on the foundation of “Why Me” or confront the loop and seek to change that pattern. Was being born to an unexpressive father his fault? Did he choose to be born there? Of course, not! The stronger the grip of fears, the more difficult we make it for ourselves to receive or give love. We are too scared to receive. Once again our fear of rejection or our fear of getting disappointed prevents us from giving openly.
Our actions are a reflection of our desires to obtain the love of another person. We are able to express and love freely when we feel safe and secure or rather when there are no fears. Fears grip our life and create barriers. We live our entire life surrounded by fears and that is the highest energy that we absorb. There is fear of not looking pretty or handsome, fear of not being accepted (ie rejection) in society, fear of not being accepted by our own parents, fear of looking like a fool, fear of losing money, fear of discrimination, fear of health and above all fear of death.
Fear is as much a reality as is love. We live through our fears and miss out on the potential love in our life. We express fear by being judgmental in our day to day inter-action. Our fears make us perceive ourselves as imperfect. We attempt to create perfection in ourselves by either looking more beautiful or over-working ourselves. We equate physical beauty and hard work as expressions of perfections. Nature is perfect as it is. You cannot change the way you were created. What you can change is the way you think about yourself.
When we see imperfections in ourselves, we only look at the imperfections of another for solace. It helps us love ourselves better. We spend our life trying to change what we cannot, till we discover and accept the perfection in our creation.
We are not imperfect. It’s our perception of “Self” that makes us appear as imperfect. Our surroundings create the myth of imperfection and we continuously strive towards perfection. It’s a perfect design of God to make mankind work hard to invent technology, write literary jewels, paint masterpieces, play melodious music, cook delicious food and so on. All these creations enrich our life. We are own critique and admirer. Self criticism makes us achieve or resign in life and self admiration makes us confident or arrogant. It’s a challenge to maintain the balance between achievement and confidence sans arrogance. Similarly, resignation and cynicism lead to inaction or under-utilization of potential.
For example, a parent who has lived a life of financial struggle suffocates himself with the fear of failure and often pressurizes his child with the deep desire to overcome that imperfection. Consequently, the child is unable to discover his true medium of expression and lives his life only fulfilling his parents’ expectations. His self discovery remains incomplete despite the parents’ best intentions. The deepest desire to discover oneself is often suppressed by the desire to fulfill the expectations of the world rather than design a life of freedom.
We get obsessively attached to our own concept of perfection and the balance in life gets tipped. We then look for ways and means to correct that balance. That perfect child is now perceived as an imperfect adult. We need to re-discover that perfection. Our sufferings are reminders of our true purpose of life. We evolve with each experience. Freely sharing and giving happiness to those who see themselves as less perfect, is the least we can do.
Life is surrounded by dualities. Life and death. Sunrise and sunset. Grasslands and deserts. Oceans and land. Rain and drought. Similarly, there are dualities in day to day life. Rich and poor. Old and young. Happy and sad. Tears and smiles. Ignorance and knowledge. Fear and love are two such similar aspects. Our fear makes us seek out knowledge and grow. Love makes us help others grow and love ourselves. We see them yet we do not understand the significance of these dualities. The biggest gift that we can give to anyone is the confidence to embrace their fears. Knowledge is the best form of contribution and it gives people the strength to love themselves.
How do we overcome fear and embrace love? Courage!! It takes tremendous courage to be live according to principles such as honesty and justice. The fear of isolation and being denied by society weakens the mind to succumb. It requires discipline to walk on the path of Truth and although we often deter from the path, we have the power to re-create and walk stronger.
Courage is the tool that supports us to discover ourselves. Mahatma Gandhi was an epitome of courage. It was his courage, the leadership that gave access to people to discover their right to live independently. “I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.” ~~ Mahatma Gandhi. It was that awareness and acceptance of Self that gave him the courage to express freely. Mahatma Gandhi was neither tall, nor handsome, nor did he come from a rich or influential family. “To find Truth completely is to realize oneself and one's destiny, i.e., to become perfect. I am painfully conscious of my imperfections, and therein lies all the strength I posses, because it is a rare thing for a man to know his own limitations.”
Our life is surrounded by material temptations. There are many luxury brands that sell expensive clothes, shoes, jewelry, pens, and artifacts. Brands like Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Tiffany, Mont Blanc etc command a cache’ value in the market. The products sell at a premium because these brands acquire a distinction in society through their consistency in quality, marketing and branding techniques.
The level of importance given to such possessions, at times, takes away the pleasure of consumption. Women often want their husbands to buy expensive things for them as an affirmation of love. They confuse gifts with love to the extent that their happiness becomes dependent upon them. Men are expected to woo women with expensive gifts rather than with acts of love. A simple hug which says “I understand your pain” is far more powerful than a 10 carat diamond ring. Whereas, there are many who would say, why can’t I get both?
There is no end to greed. Greed does not satisfy the deeper need for affection and love. I am not saying that there is anything wrong in wearing a diamond ring. The issue of greed versus need arises when that diamond ring becomes more important than the person who gave it you.
The gifts or type of celebration on an anniversary or birthday or child birth become more important than the reason for the celebration. The success of an event takes precedence over the significance of the event. It becomes a socially competitive game. People develop fears of not looking appropriate in society. One-up-manship compels some to buy new clothes for every dinner party, new venue and menu for every occasion and party organizers to perfect the ambience. Fears of non-acceptance overwhelm many people. The desire to “fit in” weakens the mind and causes people to build their life on others’ whims rather than on personal beliefs.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “That voice within tells me, ‘You’ have to stand against the whole world although you may have to stand alone. You have to stare in the face the whole world although the world may look at you with blood-shot eyes. Do not fear. Trust the little voice residing within your heart."
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Emotional Control
Emotional Control
There is a constant battle of internal emotions that we experience and it is this war of emotions that has been compared with a battle field in the Mahabharata. We all have a Mahabharata raging in our hearts most of our waking hours.
We all are born with a multitude of emotions like laughter, sorrow, grief, jealousy, anger, ambition and above all, a need for love and peace. However, a need to survive in this world of 7 billion, gives rise to feelings such as competition, envy and jealousy. The Kuravas and Pandavas begin to play their drama in our heart – the jealousy and envy battle against the need for love and peace. Who will win depends upon the courage you have to look inward and understand your personal Kuravas (demons) and vanquish them one by one.
Organizations often conduct team building exercises. This need arises either due to competition and comparison at peer level or lack of open communication or simply because people maybe from diverse cultures. Most inter-personal issues arise at peer level because of jealousy, envy, comparison. Desire to work collaboratively and for organizational goals are often usurped by a desire for individual goals and gains. In this desire to get ahead, who wins – actually no one! That’s the irony of the whole situation. Each team member believes he is getting ahead of the other, albeit temporarily, but this happens at the cost of the organization as well as the true potential of the executive. The executives are motivated by their individual need for power, wealth or recognition and they compromise their personal as well as organizational need for growth.
Now, let me clarify, the executives do not behave competitively on purpose. It has become part of their DNA and hence they don’t know any different or better. We perceive the world as a jungle, an animal kingdom rather than a land of human beings. We grow up to believe that we have to over power other people to survive.
As a new born child we learn this because we start with controlling our parents. Each time a child cries, the parents jump to attend to the child and this belief gets reinforced. The same gets tried amongst siblings and friends. The aggressive ones try their luck with the quieter ones and the game continues. From days of schooling children are taught to compete with their peers, not share notes, withhold information – anything that may keep them ahead in the game. A student is rarely taught to have faith in his own abilities and work from there. There is no subject that teaches you how to tap into your inherent potential and the leader within. Each one of us has a leader inside of ourselves and each one of us is gifted with a unique skill. Since we remain ignorant of its existence, our survival instinct kicks in and we behave against our inherent nature of contribution and growth.
Now, let’s pause and ask ourselves, can we control the external world. Actually, this is the ego speaking. Each time we feel out of control, we start looking for ways to control the external world. We expend tremendous energy looking for ways to maneuver everything and everyone. We spend our lives with this veil of ignorance and get blinded to such an extent that we end up damaging ourselves and the people around us. What’s worse - we don’t stop there – we expend a lifetime blaming the world for our pain and anguish. We write our life story and the underlying theme of “life’s unfair” keeps repeating itself in different shades and shapes ie with different people and in different places, yet we don’t learn.
How can we break out of this vicious cycle and self imposed trauma?
My coach often calls me “video on demand”. It took me few years and many knocks to understand this phrase. Pain is a part of life, however, suffering is optional. All of us experience pain when there is a loss of anything of value to us. We can choose how long we suffer for this loss. The ability to exercise this option lies within us.
I was taught that the way to success was to get committed to a goal and pursue the same. We don’t even realize when this commitment converts to attachment. I was not aware of this thin line. It is this attachment to win, to succeed, to control the outcome that creates the emotional drama of suffering.
I didn’t even know I was playing a drama. I was simply living like everyone - feeling pain, happiness, working hard for success and blaming the failure on circumstances or sometimes getting all too emotional and thinking that I don’t have the ability to achieve.
I can appreciate if a child feels that way. But for an adult to think like that is a colossal waste of human life. We are gifted with treasures like courage, perseverance, determination, generosity, humor, compassion and love. Do we truly use these gifts – they often lie buried like treasure in an ocean. Our emotions of fear, jealousy, incompetence, helplessness create barriers to reaching within and tapping into this wealth. We instead play games of power and combat with each other using weapons of wealth, position and even love in relationships, to get an upper hand. Do you ever win! Look within – you lose far more than you started out with. Above all, you lose yourself!
“Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear,” Dale Carnegie
I too have been a victim of my own emotions. All is not lost. I am one of the fortunate few who have been shown that there is a way out of this everyday pain and that life can actually be lived effortlessly. Like any other aspect of life, success comes with effort and commitment to a goal.
Few years ago, I committed to having a life of contentment and peace. Phew, heavy words. We are conditioned to believe that this is available only for saints and like, not commoners. I remember I was happy child, full of fun, laughter, content with my family and life. Where had that person disappeared? I had grown into a cynical adult with a judgmental mind. Everyone was full of faults, including myself.
I cannot even remember what triggered me to start introspecting about my relationships – friends and family. I started asking myself who are my friends and who are my acquaintances. It may sound harsh and cruel, but actually it’s phenomenal once you start getting clarity because it realigns your expectations. To get this clarity I had to ask myself why the relationships were at different levels. It was not always about them, it was mostly about me – I had made the choice not to get too friendly with some people or behave in a certain way, sometimes inadvertently and sometimes not. Now that meant taking responsibility for the status of my life.
I found myself gradually going onto a journey of self reflection. I did not expect to find so much dirt – I too have lived my life in fear of losing and have been competitive, aggressive, manipulative and adopted unfair means to stay above and in control. Was it intentional? Yes - to survive, No - because I didn’t know any better or different.
That’s the fun of life – growth and self discovery. If there is one thing that binds us all, are emotions and thoughts. Life can be lived effortlessly. Life can be enjoyed. It requires surrender to action without a constant need to being in control of the outcome. The ultimate reality is that something once lost, cannot be regained in the same shape and form. Its past, its historic. Now that requires the courage to accept that I am human and it is beyond my control to get it back. So let go! Oops, now that’s not what I was taught from birth. I was taught to work hard to succeed and constantly look for solutions. I discovered over the years, anyway the outcome was not in my hands, because future is uncertain and a factor of multiple aspects which remain unknown. I was better of doing my best (in relation to others) and learning to control my video on demand than constantly trying to control the unknown. This answer is not new - its been written and rewritten in all our scriptures and self help books. Its been tried and tested over centuries. Yet, this knowledge has become uncommon in practice and that is the reason the level of suffering has increased in the world.
“A man who is a master of himself can end sorrow as easily as he can invent pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them,” said Oscar Wilde
There is a constant battle of internal emotions that we experience and it is this war of emotions that has been compared with a battle field in the Mahabharata. We all have a Mahabharata raging in our hearts most of our waking hours.
We all are born with a multitude of emotions like laughter, sorrow, grief, jealousy, anger, ambition and above all, a need for love and peace. However, a need to survive in this world of 7 billion, gives rise to feelings such as competition, envy and jealousy. The Kuravas and Pandavas begin to play their drama in our heart – the jealousy and envy battle against the need for love and peace. Who will win depends upon the courage you have to look inward and understand your personal Kuravas (demons) and vanquish them one by one.
Organizations often conduct team building exercises. This need arises either due to competition and comparison at peer level or lack of open communication or simply because people maybe from diverse cultures. Most inter-personal issues arise at peer level because of jealousy, envy, comparison. Desire to work collaboratively and for organizational goals are often usurped by a desire for individual goals and gains. In this desire to get ahead, who wins – actually no one! That’s the irony of the whole situation. Each team member believes he is getting ahead of the other, albeit temporarily, but this happens at the cost of the organization as well as the true potential of the executive. The executives are motivated by their individual need for power, wealth or recognition and they compromise their personal as well as organizational need for growth.
Now, let me clarify, the executives do not behave competitively on purpose. It has become part of their DNA and hence they don’t know any different or better. We perceive the world as a jungle, an animal kingdom rather than a land of human beings. We grow up to believe that we have to over power other people to survive.
As a new born child we learn this because we start with controlling our parents. Each time a child cries, the parents jump to attend to the child and this belief gets reinforced. The same gets tried amongst siblings and friends. The aggressive ones try their luck with the quieter ones and the game continues. From days of schooling children are taught to compete with their peers, not share notes, withhold information – anything that may keep them ahead in the game. A student is rarely taught to have faith in his own abilities and work from there. There is no subject that teaches you how to tap into your inherent potential and the leader within. Each one of us has a leader inside of ourselves and each one of us is gifted with a unique skill. Since we remain ignorant of its existence, our survival instinct kicks in and we behave against our inherent nature of contribution and growth.
Now, let’s pause and ask ourselves, can we control the external world. Actually, this is the ego speaking. Each time we feel out of control, we start looking for ways to control the external world. We expend tremendous energy looking for ways to maneuver everything and everyone. We spend our lives with this veil of ignorance and get blinded to such an extent that we end up damaging ourselves and the people around us. What’s worse - we don’t stop there – we expend a lifetime blaming the world for our pain and anguish. We write our life story and the underlying theme of “life’s unfair” keeps repeating itself in different shades and shapes ie with different people and in different places, yet we don’t learn.
How can we break out of this vicious cycle and self imposed trauma?
My coach often calls me “video on demand”. It took me few years and many knocks to understand this phrase. Pain is a part of life, however, suffering is optional. All of us experience pain when there is a loss of anything of value to us. We can choose how long we suffer for this loss. The ability to exercise this option lies within us.
I was taught that the way to success was to get committed to a goal and pursue the same. We don’t even realize when this commitment converts to attachment. I was not aware of this thin line. It is this attachment to win, to succeed, to control the outcome that creates the emotional drama of suffering.
I didn’t even know I was playing a drama. I was simply living like everyone - feeling pain, happiness, working hard for success and blaming the failure on circumstances or sometimes getting all too emotional and thinking that I don’t have the ability to achieve.
I can appreciate if a child feels that way. But for an adult to think like that is a colossal waste of human life. We are gifted with treasures like courage, perseverance, determination, generosity, humor, compassion and love. Do we truly use these gifts – they often lie buried like treasure in an ocean. Our emotions of fear, jealousy, incompetence, helplessness create barriers to reaching within and tapping into this wealth. We instead play games of power and combat with each other using weapons of wealth, position and even love in relationships, to get an upper hand. Do you ever win! Look within – you lose far more than you started out with. Above all, you lose yourself!
“Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear,” Dale Carnegie
I too have been a victim of my own emotions. All is not lost. I am one of the fortunate few who have been shown that there is a way out of this everyday pain and that life can actually be lived effortlessly. Like any other aspect of life, success comes with effort and commitment to a goal.
Few years ago, I committed to having a life of contentment and peace. Phew, heavy words. We are conditioned to believe that this is available only for saints and like, not commoners. I remember I was happy child, full of fun, laughter, content with my family and life. Where had that person disappeared? I had grown into a cynical adult with a judgmental mind. Everyone was full of faults, including myself.
I cannot even remember what triggered me to start introspecting about my relationships – friends and family. I started asking myself who are my friends and who are my acquaintances. It may sound harsh and cruel, but actually it’s phenomenal once you start getting clarity because it realigns your expectations. To get this clarity I had to ask myself why the relationships were at different levels. It was not always about them, it was mostly about me – I had made the choice not to get too friendly with some people or behave in a certain way, sometimes inadvertently and sometimes not. Now that meant taking responsibility for the status of my life.
I found myself gradually going onto a journey of self reflection. I did not expect to find so much dirt – I too have lived my life in fear of losing and have been competitive, aggressive, manipulative and adopted unfair means to stay above and in control. Was it intentional? Yes - to survive, No - because I didn’t know any better or different.
That’s the fun of life – growth and self discovery. If there is one thing that binds us all, are emotions and thoughts. Life can be lived effortlessly. Life can be enjoyed. It requires surrender to action without a constant need to being in control of the outcome. The ultimate reality is that something once lost, cannot be regained in the same shape and form. Its past, its historic. Now that requires the courage to accept that I am human and it is beyond my control to get it back. So let go! Oops, now that’s not what I was taught from birth. I was taught to work hard to succeed and constantly look for solutions. I discovered over the years, anyway the outcome was not in my hands, because future is uncertain and a factor of multiple aspects which remain unknown. I was better of doing my best (in relation to others) and learning to control my video on demand than constantly trying to control the unknown. This answer is not new - its been written and rewritten in all our scriptures and self help books. Its been tried and tested over centuries. Yet, this knowledge has become uncommon in practice and that is the reason the level of suffering has increased in the world.
“A man who is a master of himself can end sorrow as easily as he can invent pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them,” said Oscar Wilde
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Patience
Patience
I was reading an article in a magazine, Scientific American on evolution of man. According to fossil records, finger nails evolved 54 million years ago (“mya”), thumb 25 mya, upright pelvis and knee appeared more than 3.5mya and the brain ballooned in size only between 1-2mya.
I was amazed to read these facts and what suddenly dawned on me was that it took the Creator many million years to get this current construct of man as we see today. He too went through several trails and errors and changed the model as time went along. Man did not evolve over night or in a matter of just few days. It took several years of patience and effort and above all learning to get here.
In our day to day life, we want everything completed to perfection – now or rather as of yesterday. In the corporate world, there is a classic expectation -- whenever you inquire about the deadline on any assignment; it is invariably as of yesterday. This of course means constant stress to meet a deadline. No doubt it pushes your limits and testes your potential to tolerate pressure. However, the level of agitation in the environment is also rather high and so is the cost to the health of the individual.
People want to grow over night into mammoth conglomerates. Entrepreneurs’ push themselves against time barriers to give shape to their dream. However, has anyone considered what it does to the efficiency and creativity of the people? You can of course churn out items of mass production but can you really be as creative if you are constantly working against time.
What I see today is this Rush to get here, get there, finish this or that. Even on the roads the horns are blaring because no one wants to wait for another or give right of way. It’s a Race!
The biggest fairness of life is that everyone has been given 24 hours in a day. It’s up to us what we do with those hours and that’s what makes all the difference. Some use their time effectively and productively, whereas others fritter this precious commodity. “Time and tide wait for no man.” Time never goes backwards. Time does not wait for anyone, time does not distinguish between one person and another and you cannot move it faster or slower.
When my boys were infants, they both got their first tooth close to the age of one year. As a new anxious mother, I would visit websites, call the pediatrician, check their mouths regularly. One day the doctor simply responded if I had ever seen any child who didn’t finally get his teeth. I just had to patient.
Just like we have to give time for nature to take its own course, similarly in other matters of life also we need to sometime give time for things to unravel. If everything was always known, would you truly enjoy life?
I was reading an article in a magazine, Scientific American on evolution of man. According to fossil records, finger nails evolved 54 million years ago (“mya”), thumb 25 mya, upright pelvis and knee appeared more than 3.5mya and the brain ballooned in size only between 1-2mya.
I was amazed to read these facts and what suddenly dawned on me was that it took the Creator many million years to get this current construct of man as we see today. He too went through several trails and errors and changed the model as time went along. Man did not evolve over night or in a matter of just few days. It took several years of patience and effort and above all learning to get here.
In our day to day life, we want everything completed to perfection – now or rather as of yesterday. In the corporate world, there is a classic expectation -- whenever you inquire about the deadline on any assignment; it is invariably as of yesterday. This of course means constant stress to meet a deadline. No doubt it pushes your limits and testes your potential to tolerate pressure. However, the level of agitation in the environment is also rather high and so is the cost to the health of the individual.
People want to grow over night into mammoth conglomerates. Entrepreneurs’ push themselves against time barriers to give shape to their dream. However, has anyone considered what it does to the efficiency and creativity of the people? You can of course churn out items of mass production but can you really be as creative if you are constantly working against time.
What I see today is this Rush to get here, get there, finish this or that. Even on the roads the horns are blaring because no one wants to wait for another or give right of way. It’s a Race!
The biggest fairness of life is that everyone has been given 24 hours in a day. It’s up to us what we do with those hours and that’s what makes all the difference. Some use their time effectively and productively, whereas others fritter this precious commodity. “Time and tide wait for no man.” Time never goes backwards. Time does not wait for anyone, time does not distinguish between one person and another and you cannot move it faster or slower.
When my boys were infants, they both got their first tooth close to the age of one year. As a new anxious mother, I would visit websites, call the pediatrician, check their mouths regularly. One day the doctor simply responded if I had ever seen any child who didn’t finally get his teeth. I just had to patient.
Just like we have to give time for nature to take its own course, similarly in other matters of life also we need to sometime give time for things to unravel. If everything was always known, would you truly enjoy life?
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Control your thoughts
Control
There are often news items about drunken driving and the police are always attempting to remind people not to drink and drive. They use advertisements or sudden checks and even imprisonment to reinforce the danger of the same. Yet there are enough incidents of felony. We live our life the same way – like drivers in a drunken stupor.
Centuries ago through the form of mythological stories, fables and religious scriptures, the way to living a powerful life have been enumerated. We continue to ignore the warnings and increase our suffering. When you learn how to drive a car, you are cautious and allow the instructor to guide you. However, when you receive a driving license, gradually you forget some of the rules and you feel that now you can drive with your own rules. Some drive in the fast lane and may meet with an accident, whereas another may drive in the slow lane and suffer the blares of the horns. Keeping to the middle lane or a path of moderation is the toughest discipline.
Another analogy is that driving requires tremendous dexterity. You cannot control how the others will drive around you or who will suddenly cut your lane or apply the brakes in front of you. You can only ensure that you stay alert and in control of your vehicle rather than expect everyone to watch out. Similarly in life, you cannot control your circumstances but only discipline the mind yourself to stay in control of your reactions to the same.
For instance, you cannot choose your parents or your surroundings. What you can however be in control of is what values you imbibe from them and your surroundings. India is a country that where dual perspectives co-exist at every turning – you see slums along with sky rises, beggars next to posh cars, designer stores and the small grocery stores. You can either focus at the discrimination or the lack of development or the level of progress or above all, have gratitude for what you have. It is this choice of perspective that is entirely in our hands.
We exercise choices at every moment of our life - to eat or fast, to work or not, to marry or stay single. All these choices are with us and we act upon them on the basis of our beliefs, interpretations of possibilities of life, family influences and so on. However, what we commonly forget is that firstly, we made that choice and also every choice comes with a price attached to it.
When we choose to get educated, it requires the discipline of doing homework, studying for exams and following the rules of the institution. School is no doubt fun because you get an opportunity to make friends, explore your potential, learn different subjects and follow your passions. In this excitement of meeting friends and playing, a student sometimes forgets the other norms and each time a disciplinary action is taken, there is a sense of disappointment and sadness. I know its boring to be disciplined everyday and sometimes you feel like being inconsistent on your routine, however, the consequences of the inconsistency are also yours.
Any action goes hand in hand with responsibility of choice and consequences. The severity of the consequences often goes with the level or frequency of inconsistency. You can choose to stay healthy by observing care in what you eat or simply decide to enjoy the food and then fight the battle of the bulge.
A very common scenario that is even played out in TV serials is the relationship between a mother in law and daughter in law. There seems to be a preconceived notion that this relationship will not be normal. Every statement or remark uttered by either party is blown out of proportion and then starts the vicious cycle of control over the house, the poor husband/son and finances. Even if you are in control over the house or so on, are you truly in control of yourself. Obviously not, that is why there is a desperate need to hang onto external factors.
Now comes the big Question – how can I be in control of my life? As mentioned above, a student needs to abide to some rules to achieve the aspired grades or a person needs to follow a certain regime of food and exercise to maintain a healthy body. Similarly, there is process for feeling in control of your circumstances rather than being controlled by them.
Every aspect of life whether it s school, job or relationship has a certain set of rules that are predefined. If you channelize all your energies into anything that you want to accomplish (i.e. 100%) and do not discount your efforts with emotions such as a need for acknowledgement or approval, fears, ego, sense of righteousness or need to succeed, then the result achieved is remarkably different.
Of course, even if you give a relationship or work your 100%, sometimes you may not get the desired outcome because there are so many unknowns at the other end – another person’s needs, expectations, fears, motivating factors, personal biases etc. Here frustration tends to creep in because then you are trying to control how others should behave, react or respond rather than yourself. Now, that’s the ego speaking, where we try to fool ourselves that we can control or change others. You can attempt to influence only.
Till my governing thought process was – work is a challenge (because of any of the above impending emotions), it always appeared difficult, strenuous and demanding and above all, a drain on my energies. Over the years, I have changed the definition of work to - learning through processes such as marketing, delivering, success, failure. Now I actually enjoy the pursuit because at every step I learn and grow, there is self development. My work has not changed and neither has my market, all that has changed is my choice of perspective.
Oscar Wilde believed, “A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
If you look at how a sail boat learns to adapt to the waves of the ocean, yet staying in control of its direction and destination. The sailboat knows that it has to befriend the moods of the wind and the water. It does not fight them but accepts them. It experiences a sense of freedom and space in the vastness of the ocean and it also realizes its insignificance in comparison. Be like a sail boat in your life and teach yourself to dance gracefully to the ups and downs of life.
There are often news items about drunken driving and the police are always attempting to remind people not to drink and drive. They use advertisements or sudden checks and even imprisonment to reinforce the danger of the same. Yet there are enough incidents of felony. We live our life the same way – like drivers in a drunken stupor.
Centuries ago through the form of mythological stories, fables and religious scriptures, the way to living a powerful life have been enumerated. We continue to ignore the warnings and increase our suffering. When you learn how to drive a car, you are cautious and allow the instructor to guide you. However, when you receive a driving license, gradually you forget some of the rules and you feel that now you can drive with your own rules. Some drive in the fast lane and may meet with an accident, whereas another may drive in the slow lane and suffer the blares of the horns. Keeping to the middle lane or a path of moderation is the toughest discipline.
Another analogy is that driving requires tremendous dexterity. You cannot control how the others will drive around you or who will suddenly cut your lane or apply the brakes in front of you. You can only ensure that you stay alert and in control of your vehicle rather than expect everyone to watch out. Similarly in life, you cannot control your circumstances but only discipline the mind yourself to stay in control of your reactions to the same.
For instance, you cannot choose your parents or your surroundings. What you can however be in control of is what values you imbibe from them and your surroundings. India is a country that where dual perspectives co-exist at every turning – you see slums along with sky rises, beggars next to posh cars, designer stores and the small grocery stores. You can either focus at the discrimination or the lack of development or the level of progress or above all, have gratitude for what you have. It is this choice of perspective that is entirely in our hands.
We exercise choices at every moment of our life - to eat or fast, to work or not, to marry or stay single. All these choices are with us and we act upon them on the basis of our beliefs, interpretations of possibilities of life, family influences and so on. However, what we commonly forget is that firstly, we made that choice and also every choice comes with a price attached to it.
When we choose to get educated, it requires the discipline of doing homework, studying for exams and following the rules of the institution. School is no doubt fun because you get an opportunity to make friends, explore your potential, learn different subjects and follow your passions. In this excitement of meeting friends and playing, a student sometimes forgets the other norms and each time a disciplinary action is taken, there is a sense of disappointment and sadness. I know its boring to be disciplined everyday and sometimes you feel like being inconsistent on your routine, however, the consequences of the inconsistency are also yours.
Any action goes hand in hand with responsibility of choice and consequences. The severity of the consequences often goes with the level or frequency of inconsistency. You can choose to stay healthy by observing care in what you eat or simply decide to enjoy the food and then fight the battle of the bulge.
A very common scenario that is even played out in TV serials is the relationship between a mother in law and daughter in law. There seems to be a preconceived notion that this relationship will not be normal. Every statement or remark uttered by either party is blown out of proportion and then starts the vicious cycle of control over the house, the poor husband/son and finances. Even if you are in control over the house or so on, are you truly in control of yourself. Obviously not, that is why there is a desperate need to hang onto external factors.
Now comes the big Question – how can I be in control of my life? As mentioned above, a student needs to abide to some rules to achieve the aspired grades or a person needs to follow a certain regime of food and exercise to maintain a healthy body. Similarly, there is process for feeling in control of your circumstances rather than being controlled by them.
Every aspect of life whether it s school, job or relationship has a certain set of rules that are predefined. If you channelize all your energies into anything that you want to accomplish (i.e. 100%) and do not discount your efforts with emotions such as a need for acknowledgement or approval, fears, ego, sense of righteousness or need to succeed, then the result achieved is remarkably different.
Of course, even if you give a relationship or work your 100%, sometimes you may not get the desired outcome because there are so many unknowns at the other end – another person’s needs, expectations, fears, motivating factors, personal biases etc. Here frustration tends to creep in because then you are trying to control how others should behave, react or respond rather than yourself. Now, that’s the ego speaking, where we try to fool ourselves that we can control or change others. You can attempt to influence only.
Till my governing thought process was – work is a challenge (because of any of the above impending emotions), it always appeared difficult, strenuous and demanding and above all, a drain on my energies. Over the years, I have changed the definition of work to - learning through processes such as marketing, delivering, success, failure. Now I actually enjoy the pursuit because at every step I learn and grow, there is self development. My work has not changed and neither has my market, all that has changed is my choice of perspective.
Oscar Wilde believed, “A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
If you look at how a sail boat learns to adapt to the waves of the ocean, yet staying in control of its direction and destination. The sailboat knows that it has to befriend the moods of the wind and the water. It does not fight them but accepts them. It experiences a sense of freedom and space in the vastness of the ocean and it also realizes its insignificance in comparison. Be like a sail boat in your life and teach yourself to dance gracefully to the ups and downs of life.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
We all perceive events differently. There is an inbuilt mechanism that makes us “perceive” differently. When a person walks into a room, we make a quick assessment of the person. We assess the person based on clothes, style of walking, facial expressions, smile etc. A verdict is formed on whether the person is arrogant, smart, quiet, jovial or even worth talking to. A relationship is immediately formed based on these perceptions or first impressions. For instance, I may get along with someone fabulously, while you may not even be able to tolerate that person. What makes each one of see the same person differently? – “Perception”
Perception is our sensory experience of the world around us and involves both the recognition of environmental stimuli and actions in response to these stimuli. Through the perceptual process, we gain information about the environment. Perception not only creates our experience of the world around us; it allows us to act within our environment.
The world is full of stimuli that can attract our attention through various senses. We may use visual, auditory or other senses to gather information and react towards our environment. Our minds are designed to absorb information using our senses in different proportions. Some use their visual senses more powerfully whereas another may use auditory senses more comfortably. Our perceptions enable us to gather and impart knowledge and innovate and create.
"Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose,” was written by Gertrude Stein as part of the 1913 poem Sacred Emily. This has often been interpreted as meaning "things are what they are." In Stein's view, the sentence expresses the fact that simply using the name of a thing already invokes the imagery and emotions associated with it. Rose is associated with many descriptions – romantic, beautiful, sacred, fragrant, colorful, thorny and so on. However, that “rose” still remains a “rose”.
What this goes to show is that each one of us perceives an image, event, words, actions differently and react from thereon. The event does not change; it’s our individual interpretation that gives meaning to an event. A common situation is seen that parents are often fearful of sending their children out alone and may insist on sending a driver or maid along. The child may perceive this act of protectiveness as stifling and curbing on the independence or even lack of trust. Here is where trouble starts – each one insists on their point of view and believes the other to be wrong.
Who is right? Actually, both are right, if you look at it dispassionately from their individual perspectives. Then how do you break a deadlock?
We often forget to look at another person’s perspective because our mind gets tuned to thinking in one way - “Tunneled”. We often forget to think outside this self created tunnel and live our life along this pathway. This is where misunderstandings creep into relationships.
Now sit back and think. Did you convey your “expectations”? Were your expectations fair and appropriate i.e. was the person capable of meeting them and did he even understand your expectations or their consequences? We often take all this for granted and then there is mayhem. Most of us just “assume” that it’s “understood”.
I for one, do not like to get into trouble willfully and I am quite certain neither do others. We act from our perception (and to the best of our intention) and then, wham, we get into trouble. The mind asks, Hey! What happened? I only did or said what I thought was right or I only reacted to your statements. Sadly, often these events and interpretations get etched in our mind, with little room for benefit of doubt.
“When you hold resentment towards another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stringer than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free,” remarked author Catherine Ponder.
South African President, Mr Nelson Mandela forgave his prisoners upon being released because he made a choice – after having gained physical freedom, he did not want to live in an emotional prison of hatred. His act of forgiveness was more towards freeing himself and being I control of his emotions. This gave him immense courage and strength to continue on his fight against apartheid. Mr Mandela did not waste his internal energy or thoughts by harboring negative sentiments towards his prisoners. Instead, he channelized that energy towards constructing a new future for his people.
Why is it so difficult for us to forgive? Are we sadists that we keep hurting ourselves with memories of words, actions, images. When we do not forgive someone, we are able to live in this feeling of righteousness. (It is one thing to fight a war of Independence for a country, it is yet another to throw bombs on innocent people as a terrorist.) You are able to validate your reaction and thought process. Yeah! I am right! Ok, you were right, but what next. Are you going to live the rest of your life trying to prove that you were right and the other person (or the world) was wrong?
How often do we give the benefit of doubt or even willing to consider that we need to take the responsibility for the reaction? Or how often do we look and think that I may genuinely have made an error of judgment. We swing from blaming others or calling ourselves a failure.
The whole process of being wrong or right starts because firstly there is an expectation of being perfect or a certain way. Always remember, you are first and foremost a human being and living this life for the first time and therefore – “To err is Human, to forgive is divine.” If you were born with the knowledge of how to live, what would there be left to learn. Rather boring!
Forgiveness is a balm for the soul but a thorn for the pride! We get stuck in the chains of interpretations and limit our freedom. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner is you,” said renowned theologian Lewis B Smedes
We all perceive events differently. There is an inbuilt mechanism that makes us “perceive” differently. When a person walks into a room, we make a quick assessment of the person. We assess the person based on clothes, style of walking, facial expressions, smile etc. A verdict is formed on whether the person is arrogant, smart, quiet, jovial or even worth talking to. A relationship is immediately formed based on these perceptions or first impressions. For instance, I may get along with someone fabulously, while you may not even be able to tolerate that person. What makes each one of see the same person differently? – “Perception”
Perception is our sensory experience of the world around us and involves both the recognition of environmental stimuli and actions in response to these stimuli. Through the perceptual process, we gain information about the environment. Perception not only creates our experience of the world around us; it allows us to act within our environment.
The world is full of stimuli that can attract our attention through various senses. We may use visual, auditory or other senses to gather information and react towards our environment. Our minds are designed to absorb information using our senses in different proportions. Some use their visual senses more powerfully whereas another may use auditory senses more comfortably. Our perceptions enable us to gather and impart knowledge and innovate and create.
"Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose,” was written by Gertrude Stein as part of the 1913 poem Sacred Emily. This has often been interpreted as meaning "things are what they are." In Stein's view, the sentence expresses the fact that simply using the name of a thing already invokes the imagery and emotions associated with it. Rose is associated with many descriptions – romantic, beautiful, sacred, fragrant, colorful, thorny and so on. However, that “rose” still remains a “rose”.
What this goes to show is that each one of us perceives an image, event, words, actions differently and react from thereon. The event does not change; it’s our individual interpretation that gives meaning to an event. A common situation is seen that parents are often fearful of sending their children out alone and may insist on sending a driver or maid along. The child may perceive this act of protectiveness as stifling and curbing on the independence or even lack of trust. Here is where trouble starts – each one insists on their point of view and believes the other to be wrong.
Who is right? Actually, both are right, if you look at it dispassionately from their individual perspectives. Then how do you break a deadlock?
We often forget to look at another person’s perspective because our mind gets tuned to thinking in one way - “Tunneled”. We often forget to think outside this self created tunnel and live our life along this pathway. This is where misunderstandings creep into relationships.
Now sit back and think. Did you convey your “expectations”? Were your expectations fair and appropriate i.e. was the person capable of meeting them and did he even understand your expectations or their consequences? We often take all this for granted and then there is mayhem. Most of us just “assume” that it’s “understood”.
I for one, do not like to get into trouble willfully and I am quite certain neither do others. We act from our perception (and to the best of our intention) and then, wham, we get into trouble. The mind asks, Hey! What happened? I only did or said what I thought was right or I only reacted to your statements. Sadly, often these events and interpretations get etched in our mind, with little room for benefit of doubt.
“When you hold resentment towards another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stringer than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free,” remarked author Catherine Ponder.
South African President, Mr Nelson Mandela forgave his prisoners upon being released because he made a choice – after having gained physical freedom, he did not want to live in an emotional prison of hatred. His act of forgiveness was more towards freeing himself and being I control of his emotions. This gave him immense courage and strength to continue on his fight against apartheid. Mr Mandela did not waste his internal energy or thoughts by harboring negative sentiments towards his prisoners. Instead, he channelized that energy towards constructing a new future for his people.
Why is it so difficult for us to forgive? Are we sadists that we keep hurting ourselves with memories of words, actions, images. When we do not forgive someone, we are able to live in this feeling of righteousness. (It is one thing to fight a war of Independence for a country, it is yet another to throw bombs on innocent people as a terrorist.) You are able to validate your reaction and thought process. Yeah! I am right! Ok, you were right, but what next. Are you going to live the rest of your life trying to prove that you were right and the other person (or the world) was wrong?
How often do we give the benefit of doubt or even willing to consider that we need to take the responsibility for the reaction? Or how often do we look and think that I may genuinely have made an error of judgment. We swing from blaming others or calling ourselves a failure.
The whole process of being wrong or right starts because firstly there is an expectation of being perfect or a certain way. Always remember, you are first and foremost a human being and living this life for the first time and therefore – “To err is Human, to forgive is divine.” If you were born with the knowledge of how to live, what would there be left to learn. Rather boring!
Forgiveness is a balm for the soul but a thorn for the pride! We get stuck in the chains of interpretations and limit our freedom. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner is you,” said renowned theologian Lewis B Smedes