Friday, April 11, 2014

Significance

Significance


Who am I? I ask myself again, who am I? I am…..Divinity, part of divinity, an actor on a stage called Earth….a small atom evolving through various stages…..

Last few years, I had many answers and each insight made me feel lighter. Today, I woke up to a new thought, timelessness! There is no concept of past or future and hence no concept of time except for the convenience to operate in this world.

I was so attached to stories and experiences; I forgot that they were simply events for my evolution. I kept going back making myself right and re-living the hurt to validate my thinking. And from thereon, the mind kept building images and conclusions for life ahead.

Recently, I was becoming more aware of the implication of such thinking. This was feeding my need for significance. And to feed it further, I kept pushing the Universe to affirm, acknowledge, change for my happiness. Did it work, absolutely not!

So what exactly is significant? Just the moment we are living in now. A river flows and merges into the ocean, it knows its destination and it does not get attached to the path. Our significance is determined by how we act and whom we impact, as we stay committed to our destination. Living our best and doing our best in that moment shapes the next moment and hence, shapes life.



Saturday, March 8, 2014

Redesign Life

Redesign life


World leaders and successful entrepreneurs, artists, sportsman, actors, scientists play the game of life by nurturing every moment of this gift of life. If we look at the biography of any leader, there are elements of adventure, risk, fearlessness, pain, challenge, sacrifice and above all joy of achievement. They explore their boundaries and rarely stay in their comfort zone. We often get caught in time warps about the world and ourselves. We forget to alter our perception of the dynamic changing world of objects and beings. To keep growing, we need to stay alert to stagnation as well as opportunities.

Curiosity and wonderment is key to staying alert and redesigning life. The way we master new information about various objects in the external world, we can also change perspectives about ourselves by shifting the subject of curiosity inwards. We view life through our lens of beliefs, memories and interpretations and write the script of our life. We then allow that story to define our relationship with the world, shape every decision and above all control our sense of happiness and freedom. Like any other story, our life too has a defining theme – Poor me, Let me be, I’m cool, I’m like that only, I’m the best, I’m no good…….

As a coach, I work with people to restructure their life by creating new patterns of thinking. For instance, I worked with an executive who grew up in a fragmented family environment and did not have a secure upbringing. The feeling of  ‘I’m unloved’ was deeply ingrained that every relationship was viewed from this sense of distrust. This filter impacted communication and personal inter-actions. When we are young, we need external support and validation, whereas as an adult, we have the ability to empower ourselves and seek support when required. We also have the ability to make choices, take decisions, take actions and manage the consequences. We are no longer helpless or incapable. However, out of sheer habit, we keep seeking that external validation.

These themes are like movies with sequels. We keep producing film after film with the same characters and theme and selling it to the world with a deep desire for people to buy it not once, but repeatedly. The irony is that we sell the story repeatedly to convince ourselves that we are right to live the way we are living. While living from one wave of experience after another, we forget to ask ourselves – ‘who is the author of this script and who has the power to rewrite the script?’ Become aware and redesign your life. 

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.” Einstein





Saturday, February 15, 2014

Independence vs Freedom

Independence and freedom are oft understood as one and the same. However, even if we are independent, we may not be free.

We educate and work to become financially independent. A person may be living independently, possessing all the money he requires to have a desired standard of living but may still not feel free to enjoy the money he has earned or feel successful. For instance, if our relationship with money is driven by that I have to work hard and keep saving for a rainy day,there is a sense of constraint. Whereas, if the relationship with money is governed by the sentiment that I have the ability to create money, there is an instant shift in perspective and the freedom to also enjoy the money that one earns. 

I have lived an independent life but did I always feel free with myself, No. I was bound by the shackles of perception, self imposed limitations and unable to enjoy my humanness and life of abundance. There was a mistaken belief that I need to prove that I can live independently without asking for support. That was my ego coming in the way. A CEO grows to the top only when he is supported by a successful team below. 

As a child, we are dependent upon our family and once again as we age, we become physically dependent. I realised that we are all inter-connected and born to support each other. I need to gain freedom from this ego or sense of separateness that comes in the way rather keep struggling to prove my ability to be independent and in fact enjoy the support and love that I get from the relationships in life. Love enriches life. 

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Be Present

Be Present


Last few months, I was just restless. I was restless because there was nothing significant to be restless about. Most of my life I had been busy proving to the world; then I was busy proving to myself. Now, I hit a zone where I felt I had no reason to keep trying to prove. Our mind is so attuned to constant action or constant flow of agitation that it is not accustomed to having less to worry over. When we are busy with some significant project we feel useful and recognized. A new dilemma appeared for me having progressed to making the mind less dependent from external stimuli. What next?  

After many months of agitation, I accepted that I didn’t know what was the cause for agitation and just parked the thought aside. The fact that I stopped worrying and looking for an answer, was the best thing that I did. Recently, the answer just showed up -- ‘Let Be’. I had to learn to live life in the present, be in the present and enjoy the moment, learn to love life holistically and just ‘be happy’.


We may know that happiness is a state of mind but to discover the ability to shift the state of mind with speed and actually see it become real is something else. Recently, I made a commitment to tell myself every morning to be happy. Having simply enforced that thought into the mind has been of amazing consequence. Interestingly, whenever I digress from this feeling or thinking and fall into the trap of sympathy, anger, righteousness or such, I am finding that the power of mind kicks in to remind me that I have made a commitment to be happy.

To love and enjoy life, we have to be grateful for life rather than take it for granted. The insatiable wanting for more and more normally occupies the mind with complaints, fears, sense of struggle and hardship that there is limited or no space for gratitude. Although we may have abundance, the mind habitually keeps yearning to possess, to win, to succeed…. and fill gaps. We are conditioned with the anxiety to be relevant, to be recognized and worry so that life feels useful. We worry because we feel comfortable having something to worry about. Then, ironically, we complain that life is full of worries.

I believe we fear that if we feel grateful, we will stop working, stop being ambitious, stop elevating ourselves. Laziness emanates from a sense of incompleteness and lack of gratitude. Loving our life and seeing this life as a divine gift, would impose a responsibility to value our life and thereby value every element of our life – our thoughts, our body, our work and our relationships. Thoughts do creep in time and again that disrupt this state of mind. It requires constant practice and reminder to keep recreating the thought of happiness.


“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Anthony Robbins

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Unconditional love

Unconditional Love


“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” Thomas Merton 

Love is one of the most beautiful emotions granted to man and is often the least understood emotion. There is a fine line between attachment and pure love. Attachment is laden with expectations, disappointment and is all about you rather than the person being loved because attachment imposes conditions on the love being given. Whereas pure love is about acceptance, understanding and without expectations. Unconditional love creates space for another to blossom, feel nurtured and alive. 

We can love unconditionally only when we accept another completely for who they are. Everyone is a package of good and bad, likes and dislikes, joy and sorrow. Often, when we shower love, expectations start building up. We sometimes forget to pause and reflect whether the other person is capable of living up to our perceived standards and expectations. Everyone’s expression of love is different. In a traditional way of thinking, mothers express by taking care of a home and family, fathers express their love by providing security, children express their love by giving joy and laughter and teachers through guidance and so on. Each person expresses their love by playing their role. Can we accept their way of loving and just enjoy it rather than judge it? 

Our true nature is selfless and unconditional. We often forget our humanness and look for perfection in people. This causes stress in a relationship and the expression of love starts to diminish. Love has the capacity to blossom or crush a person depending upon how it is expressed. In fact, any attachment binds us and hinders our evolution and growth as a human being. Love yourself unconditionally and it immediately frees you to love others as well.

“Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood.” Karen Casey


Sunday, November 10, 2013

Entrepreneurial spirit vs team spirit

Entrepreneurial spirit vs team spirit


Zubin Mehta’s orchestra performed recently in Mumbai and it was absolutely stunning to hear each musicians excel with their instrument, yet be in complete harmony with the orchestra. No musician attempts to compete or stand out, everyone accepts their role and performs seamlessly. This is true team spirit, where there is an understanding that excellence and winning occurs in collaboration. The conductor is respected for his role as well. There is no fight for glory. Sports and theatre are arenas where each player is required to play their part best in the interest of the team.

The sportsman’ spirit is often seen missing amongst corporate executives. The highest level of competition is visible amongst peers in many organizations. Greed, jealousy, competitiveness, comparison, power play and turf creations occur due to a sense of individuality and lack of empowerment. When a person feels insecure or out of control, they feel the need to exert control over others through various tactics like information or relationship withholding, lack of cooperation, inadequate transparency etc. True leaders are those who empower others, as they are confident about their abilities and comfortable taking support of others.

Over the recent few years, the fluctuations in the economic environment are creating pressure on businesses to reinvent their product offering or business strategy at a rapid pace. To cope with this level of uncertainty, senior executives are being expected to be leaders of their domain and adopt an entrepreneurial approach to work, yet be aligned with organizational goals and vision. Working from a space of empowerment rather than competition is the need of the hour.

According to Steve Jobs, entrepreneurship is about using your intuition to connect dots of opportunity that does not exist as yet and continuously cultivating it through innovation and initiative. It is this passion, leadership and zeal to create that drives performance and shapes the business. However as the business grows, the focus often shifts to managing business and attending to structured and at times mundane matters. The entrepreneur moves from a human being to human doing.  This is when there is need to be watchful of getting boxed and to retain the entrepreneurial spirit, it is helpful to engage professional management.

Entrepreneurial spirit is often misunderstood as the ability to freely run with an idea. The freedom to implement a vision demands responsibility of consequences for choices and actions and requires courage, leadership and perseverance. When executives are expected to adopt an entrepreneurial approach to work, their style of working needs to reflect the attributes of an entrepreneur without being individualistic in their inter-actions or decision-making. This often causes a dichotomy. On the one hand, there is need for free thinking, responsibility, quick decision-making and creativity and on the other hand, there is a need for accountability and structure. Executives are feeling stretched to align and work in an unstructured manner within a structure.

“The things we fear most in organizations – fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances – are the primary sources of creativity.” Margaret J. Wheatley

Earlier, people preferred to work in the same organization for 20-30 years and learnt and grew within the system. However, nowadays, people are job-hoping every 4-5 years for professional growth. Executives are challenging themselves by changing sectors, organizations, country etc. When we take away anchors, like a stable job, city, work domain etc, we need to establish personal anchors to deal with challenges of such self-created dynamism. Although, executives have the required skill set to excel in different jobs, there is often lack of emphasis on self-development and growth. To be the entrepreneur of our life, there is need to take responsibility of our emotions, choices, reactions and their consequences.

Recently, I was coaching the business head of a growing organization in a dynamic sector. He had been a part of the business since its inception and hence worn multiple hats at the same time. Now the organization had grown into multiple businesses and his role had changed from being a jack of all businesses to the master of one. He forgot that he was now the captain of his ship and no longer the mobile crew. To be a captain, the thought process has to be expansive and inclusive – envision the business strategy, take risks, motivate and collaborate with different teams and be creative.

“Players win games, teams win championships.” Bill Taylor

A true champion submerges his sense of individuality and remembers that success is directly linked with collaboration. MS Dhoni is a fine example of captaincy that led the Indian Cricket team to victory in the Cricket World Cup 2011. Dhoni remained unruffled and focused on the goal and displayed sheer grit on the field. Collaboration requires a sense of empowerment and awareness of strengths and areas where support is required to accomplish a vision. No one person is capable of doing everything. We are all pieces of a puzzle; only when we work together and fit in at the right place, are we able to complete the picture.