Contentment

Contentment

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” Omar Khayyam

We all seek happiness. Most regard is as an illusive sentiment and hence the search continues. Often people are happy only when they have a target or project to keep busy; or when relationships and life is going as they want; or when on vacation; or when they make others happy. Are we able to be happy with life per se? As soon as life is off schedule or plan or unable to keep us occupied, we start looking for entertainment from the world. We are one of the most miraculous creations of nature. What prevent us from enjoying ourselves? Are we so inadequate?

We resist taking responsibility for our sense of contentment and instead make ourselves dependent upon goals and targets and people to keep us occupied and numb our senses to feel occupied and create a false sense of contentment. We have been gifted with creation and creativity. It is up to us to take responsibility to be content with our life rather than be dependent upon circumstances and objects and constantly look for life to make us happy.

In my experience, the acceptance that everything is transient and change is the essence of life is the first step to taking responsibility for life. Every time there is change, we need stability at some level. If we have no internal stability, we keep looking for external means for stabilizing our life and given that creation is dynamic, there is no hope. Our sense of inadequacy or dependence arises from our inability to take responsibility for our emotions. Emotions or thoughts in the mind can be controlled only through a disciplined lifestyle. A child needs school routine to learn the format or concept of self discipline. Similarly, as adults we have jobs to structure our life. Now, the problem arises when we have neither to act as an anchor and we need to create our own anchor. As adults, it is critical for us to understand that we need to develop our own mechanism to structure our life. Society cannot be our guardian forever.

Emotions are designed to run amok and create havoc with our thoughts. We have the capacity to rein in these emotions but once again we have to take responsibility for our emotions rather than expect the world to keep satisfying our emotional needs.

As a child my parents and school were my anchor, then my job and after I got married, my family became my anchor. As everyone got busy with their routine, the fear of being rudderless pushed me into seeking to create my own anchor. I was scared of being this nasty old nagging woman and losing the love of people near to me. As we grow old, we often feel lonely because suddenly our responsibilities towards our family diminish and we have limited avenues to occupy our time or to make us feel valued. The family is then going through their stage of growth and independence and conflict of interest arises.

I had been a fairly disciplined person. However, with the responsibilities of life and changing circumstances, there was need for further rigor and adaptation. With rapidly changing circumstances, I had started to complain about feeling out of control. Although I had repeatedly been advised to start my day early and give my self time for spiritual reading and exercise, I kept putting it off that I will do it when I get the time or when I am less tired or when I am ready. It was a chicken and egg situation. Some time ago, I decided to take charge when I found myself unable to hold my head in place. I changed my routine and instituted it upon myself to wake up every morning, weekend or not, at 6am to read scriptures, listen to devotional songs and then exercise. I started noticing the stability that this discipline granted me. My mind started learning who was the master. There has been a definite lifting of the clouds in the head and surge in creativity. I am being able to manage more work with efficiency and am less fearful of circumstances. There is a sense of empowerment that has clearly arisen out of taking responsibility for my thoughts.

I still enjoy my emotions but they control me less than before. Life is falling more into perspective. I observe and enjoy miracles of creation more. When a surge of emotions hit me, I am teaching myself to wait for the flood to recede because I know it will. We shall overcome!

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.” Helen Keller

Significance

Significance

Who am I? I ask myself again, who am I? I am…..Divinity, part of divinity, an actor on a stage called Earth….a small atom evolving through various stages…..

Last few years, I had many answers and each insight made me feel lighter. Today, I woke up to a new thought, timelessness! There is no concept of past or future and hence no concept of time except for the convenience to operate in this world.

I was so attached to stories and experiences; I forgot that they were simply events for my evolution. I kept going back making myself right and re-living the hurt to validate my thinking. And from thereon, the mind kept building images and conclusions for life ahead.

Recently, I was becoming more aware of the implication of such thinking. This was feeding my need for significance. And to feed it further, I kept pushing the Universe to affirm, acknowledge, change for my happiness. Did it work, absolutely not!

So what exactly is significant? Just the moment we are living in now. A river flows and merges into the ocean, it knows its destination and it does not get attached to the path. Our significance is determined by how we act and whom we impact, as we stay committed to our destination. Living our best and doing our best in that moment shapes the next moment and hence, shapes life.

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” Tony Robbins

Redesign Life

Redesign life

World leaders and successful entrepreneurs, artists, sportsman, actors, scientists play the game of life by nurturing every moment of this gift of life. If we look at the biography of any leader, there are elements of adventure, risk, fearlessness, pain, challenge, sacrifice and above all joy of achievement. They explore their boundaries and rarely stay in their comfort zone. We often get caught in time warps about the world and ourselves. We forget to alter our perception of the dynamic changing world of objects and beings. To keep growing, we need to stay alert to stagnation as well as opportunities.

Curiosity and wonderment is key to staying alert and redesigning life. The way we master new information about various objects in the external world, we can also change perspectives about ourselves by shifting the subject of curiosity inwards. We view life through our lens of beliefs, memories and interpretations and write the script of our life. We then allow that story to define our relationship with the world, shape every decision and above all control our sense of happiness and freedom. Like any other story, our life too has a defining theme – Poor me, Let me be, I’m cool, I’m like that only, I’m the best, I’m no good…….

As a coach, I work with people to restructure their life by creating new patterns of thinking. For instance, I worked with an executive who grew up in a fragmented family environment and did not have a secure upbringing. The feeling of  ‘I’m unloved’ was deeply ingrained that every relationship was viewed from this sense of distrust. This filter impacted communication and personal inter-actions. When we are young, we need external support and validation, whereas as an adult, we have the ability to empower ourselves and seek support when required. We also have the ability to make choices, take decisions, take actions and manage the consequences. We are no longer helpless or incapable. However, out of sheer habit, we keep seeking that external validation.

These themes are like movies with sequels. We keep producing film after film with the same characters and theme and selling it to the world with a deep desire for people to buy it not once, but repeatedly. The irony is that we sell the story repeatedly to convince ourselves that we are right to live the way we are living. While living from one wave of experience after another, we forget to ask ourselves – ‘who is the author of this script and who has the power to rewrite the script?’ Become aware and redesign your life. 

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.” Einstein

Independence vs Freedom

Independence and freedom are oft understood as one and the same. However, even if we are independent, we may not be free.

We educate and work to become financially independent. A person may be living independently, possessing all the money he requires to have a desired standard of living but may still not feel free to enjoy the money he has earned or feel successful. For instance, if our relationship with money is driven by that I have to work hard and keep saving for a rainy day,there is a sense of constraint. Whereas, if the relationship with money is governed by the sentiment that I have the ability to create money, there is an instant shift in perspective and the freedom to also enjoy the money that one earns. 

I have lived an independent life but did I always feel free with myself, No. I was bound by the shackles of perception, self imposed limitations and unable to enjoy my humanness and life of abundance. There was a mistaken belief that I need to prove that I can live independently without asking for support. That was my ego coming in the way. A CEO grows to the top only when he is supported by a successful team below. 

As a child, we are dependent upon our family and once again as we age, we become physically dependent. I realised that we are all inter-connected and born to support each other. I need to gain freedom from this ego or sense of separateness that comes in the way rather keep struggling to prove my ability to be independent and in fact enjoy the support and love that I get from the relationships in life. Love enriches life. 

Be Present

Be Present

Last few months, I was just restless. I was restless because there was nothing significant to be restless about. Most of my life I had been busy proving to the world; then I was busy proving to myself. Now, I hit a zone where I felt I had no reason to keep trying to prove. Our mind is so attuned to constant action or constant flow of agitation that it is not accustomed to having less to worry over. When we are busy with some significant project we feel useful and recognized. A new dilemma appeared for me having progressed to making the mind less dependent from external stimuli. What next?  

After many months of agitation, I accepted that I didn’t know what was the cause for agitation and just parked the thought aside. The fact that I stopped worrying and looking for an answer, was the best thing that I did. Recently, the answer just showed up -- ‘Let Be’. I had to learn to live life in the present, be in the present and enjoy the moment, learn to love life holistically and just ‘be happy’.

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln 

We may know that happiness is a state of mind but to discover the ability to shift the state of mind with speed and actually see it become real is something else. Recently, I made a commitment to tell myself every morning to be happy. Having simply enforced that thought into the mind has been of amazing consequence. Interestingly, whenever I digress from this feeling or thinking and fall into the trap of sympathy, anger, righteousness or such, I am finding that the power of mind kicks in to remind me that I have made a commitment to be happy.

To love and enjoy life, we have to be grateful for life rather than take it for granted. The insatiable wanting for more and more normally occupies the mind with complaints, fears, sense of struggle and hardship that there is limited or no space for gratitude. Although we may have abundance, the mind habitually keeps yearning to possess, to win, to succeed…. and fill gaps. We are conditioned with the anxiety to be relevant, to be recognized and worry so that life feels useful. We worry because we feel comfortable having something to worry about. Then, ironically, we complain that life is full of worries.

I believe we fear that if we feel grateful, we will stop working, stop being ambitious, stop elevating ourselves. Laziness emanates from a sense of incompleteness and lack of gratitude. Loving our life and seeing this life as a divine gift, would impose a responsibility to value our life and thereby value every element of our life – our thoughts, our body, our work and our relationships. Thoughts do creep in time and again that disrupt this state of mind. It requires constant practice and reminder to keep recreating the thought of happiness.

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Anthony Robbins

Unconditional love

Unconditional Love

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” Thomas Merton 

Love is one of the most beautiful emotions granted to man and is often the least understood emotion. There is a fine line between attachment and pure love. Attachment is laden with expectations, disappointment and is all about you rather than the person being loved because attachment imposes conditions on the love being given. Whereas pure love is about acceptance, understanding and without expectations. Unconditional love creates space for another to blossom, feel nurtured and alive. 

We can love unconditionally only when we accept another completely for who they are. Everyone is a package of good and bad, likes and dislikes, joy and sorrow. Often, when we shower love, expectations start building up. We sometimes forget to pause and reflect whether the other person is capable of living up to our perceived standards and expectations. Everyone’s expression of love is different. In a traditional way of thinking, mothers express by taking care of a home and family, fathers express their love by providing security, children express their love by giving joy and laughter and teachers through guidance and so on. Each person expresses their love by playing their role. Can we accept their way of loving and just enjoy it rather than judge it? 

Our true nature is selfless and unconditional. We often forget our humanness and look for perfection in people. This causes stress in a relationship and the expression of love starts to diminish. Love has the capacity to blossom or crush a person depending upon how it is expressed. In fact, any attachment binds us and hinders our evolution and growth as a human being. Love yourself unconditionally and it immediately frees you to love others as well.

“Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood.” Karen Casey