Interview with Deborah Weed

Excerpts from Deborah Weed’s Interview with Ashu Khanna

Q: What is the biggest stumbling block that you come across?

A: Too many people lose sight of what they want in life. The coaching process is meant to give them clarity of thought and help them make the right choices. I see myself as an
unbiased sounding board. My job is to help my clients get ahead and change their
perspective.

Q: What is your personal philosophy on the best way to live life?

A: I live with an attitude of: never give up. There are always many options, life is all about abundance. I don’t wish to die with any regrets and learning never ends.

Q: How do you handle challenges?

A: It has been a hard toil at times. Like any other person, I too go through stress phases.
However, I know there is something to learn from each one so I fight it out.

Q: Have you always been a life coach?

A: Interestingly, I am from the typical financial organizations and have tasted the highs of success. I am surrounded by many people from the financial field who believed that their life had entered a dark alley last year.

Q: What did you learn from going from the financial world to the coaching one?

A: As an entrepreneur I did not always have answers for my balance sheet. However,
as a coach, I looked at my success from two perspectives: the change and success
quotient of the people I coached as well as my personal success.

Q: How do you measure your personal success?

A: I look at personal success as being able to balance my life, being at peace with my
choices and growing spiritually. My life is divided into many pizza slices and I enjoy
each one of them. I manage my work life from home; have two young children; help to
take care of an aging father; my mother in law lives in my house; I swim; walk; workout;
mediate; sing; socialize with friends and enjoy time with my husband.

Q: So you define success as more than just work?

A: It is far higher than professional success and cannot be measured in monetary terms.
Especially since it is sustainable unlike professional success, which is transient. My
personal equity is the contributions that I make to society and my personal growth.

Q: Right now, everyone is really concerned about their stream of income. Especially during this recession. What are your thoughts on this?

A: When people focus on their net worth alone, first of all they forget that they may have
many other talents that they have never explored or pursued. After all, our skill sets are
not limited to working in the corporate world. For instance, I am a chartered accountant
turned coach.

Q: Did you have prior coaching experience?

A: I had no prior knowledge or training as a coach. Neither was it something that just fell in my lap. I have worked towards recreating my life by trying many avenues.

Q: What is an example of some of the careers you have experimented with?

A: I tried my hand at opening a restaurant; looked into trading; graphic design, etc. I also
spent time, in between these search periods to develop myself by swimming; tennis;
piano; singing and painting. I am not an expert at any of these but I widened my
horizons tremendously.

Q: It sounds like you were open to learn. Do you think it’s easy to just jump in?

A: People today don’t want to fight it out. They want it easy all the way. Just high
SAT scores does not predict your success quotient for living your life.

Q: What is one of the biggest things that we should all be aware of?

A: That we need to take responsibility for ones own life and actions. We teach our children how to succeed but not how to live. If a person is able to take leadership of his life, many things will fall into place.

Q: What would you suggest that would help our society?

A: At Universities, students are taught every possible subject, but they do not focus on
self-awareness. I believe this is the highest success tool. Theories are taught and
certifications are given disproportionate significance but human attitude is ignored.

Q: You are so right. Is there anything else you would like to share?

A: Students spend the first 25 years of their life working towards an Ivy League MBA, then the next 25 in the arrogance of the same and the last 25 cleaning up the impact of those 50 years. I too am part of the same cycle and hence I understand the fall out. However, fortunately for me, the second phase did not last 25 years. It takes tremendous courage to live a life of design rather than a life based on society expectations. What we tend to forget is that society never lives your life for you. Society is simply a support structure.

Follow up questions by Deborah:

Q1. What would you suggest when a person gets stuck or has amassed a lot of disappointment?

A1. Getting stuck or disappointed: First and foremost, pain, struggle, getting stuck or suffering, whatever you wish to call it are all as much a part of life as joy, success, moving ahead etc. We are quick to embrace and enjoy one but not the other. If we look at both as part of whole, it makes it easier to look for solutions. I have normally adopted an attitude of confronting life - problems, blocks, issues, relationships and even myself. "No pain, no gain". Also, if you don't try something, how will you ever know if it works for you or not. I don't surrender or accept defeat before the fight. When I fight, I am aware that every confrontation has a fall out - its my choice which pain is better to live with - the disappointment or the fall out of the fight. It takes as much (if not more) courage to hang onto a disappointment.

Q2. Have you ever been stuck? How did you fight your way through?

A2. Of course, I get stuck even now. I am human after all. I confront myself to see what's holding me down - expectations, ego, fear or lack of trust. Most of the answers are within, so I search inside first and then go and act outside. There was a time in life when I only attacked outwards, not any longer. I understand that its my life and I have to take responsibility for whatever it brings on.

Q3. Why do most of us stay on one track are whole lives?

A3. Everyone is born with different courage levels and different aptitudes. People try different things at different levels and areas. So at times one may never know if someone is truly on the same track in just one visible aspect and not another. For instance, Mr Obama has a higher courage level than many of us. He had the courage to walk into unchartered territory. Many of us may not have the same courage to face the consequences of change and commitment to pursue an objective.

Q4. How can we learn to experiment with different things?

A4. No pain, no gain. We are born survivors. If you commit to any attitude, even failure, you will succeed in convincing yourself that you are a failure. Sadly, our fear of rejection or failure grips us and we convince ourselves very quickly that we cannot cross the barrier (which actually is largely self imposed).

Q5. Has society formed our rigidity, or are we just afraid of change?

A5. Society is made up of people like you and me. Its up to us to be a catalyst of change. Any change takes time and not everyone accepts it. Its up to you how high is your need for approval. Of course that said - one needs to respect others lives and the impact of your actions while taking these decisions.

Q6. Finally, would you offer your 5-10 top tips.

A6. Few tips to living life that have worked for me:
• Zest for life - its the best gift and we treat it too cheaply.
• Anything you learn is always an investment into your life.
• You are the master of your life.
• Like physics - every action has a reaction
• We can do far more than we often chose to do
• Whatever you commit to, you get. Law of attraction.
• There are no short cuts or miracles - its hard work, perseverance and desire to grow
• Additionally, compassion, humility and moderation - these 3 keep you going a long way.

Validation/ Acknowledgement

We all want our views, our emotions, our words and actions to be acknowledged. At times, we are willing to do anything to acheive this validation. Interestingly, you may be a university or school topper and acheiver, yet not feel acknowledged because somewhere deep within you may have decided to call yourself "Average". You may be benchmarking yourself with your parents, your siblings, your friends or anyone else and therefore, always convincing yourself that you are "Average".

This sentiment of life may fuel you to work hard and achieve success. However, you may question or continue to not accept the level of success because you have always lived with the belief of "I can't do it", or "It happened accidently to me". You are waiting for the next validation to make you believe that you are actually capable.

When does this vicious cycle come to an end? How many validations do we need?

Any number of validations cannot be enough till you acknowledge yourself.If you make seeking acknowledgements as the purpose of your life, you will get stuck and live your life at that level.

Leadership in Turbulent times

Dynamic environment

Faces of global economies have changed ever since 2008 when the “sub-prime crisis” unfolded. The impact of the financial crisis has been far-reaching and has shaken the foundation of many businesses. People are feeling exposed, vulnerable and directionless due to the stresses of loss of opportunities, employment, housing and financial worth.

This global economic meltdown has required many companies to redraw their plans for the future in terms of merger or acquisition plans, strategy changes, cost cuts, leadership development etc. CEOs across industries and geographies view maximizing the productivity of their current leaders and developing the next generation of leaders as mission critical. A 2008 Consulting survey found that 56% of employers in the US are experiencing a leadership shortage that is impeding organization performance.

Companies realize that the present environment requires a unique leadership approach that is sharper and more focused. Today’s business environment compels organizations and individuals to be even more proactive and alert about organizational dilemmas such as cultural change, transitional challenges, resource rationalization, strategic growth or expenditure reallocation.

Importance of leadership

This is not the first time that the world has been gripped with a crisis. However, the question that arises is: How do you survive or come through such crisis? Undisputedly, such times reveal the desperate need for ‘leadership’.

In turbulent times, companies reconcile their need to develop leaders while still managing costs and ensuring a return on investment through Coaching. Many of the world’s most admired corporations from GE to Goldman Sachs invest in coaching with annual spend going up to US$1billion. Recent study of Executive Coaching in a Fortune 500 firm by Metrix Global reported 529% return on investment and according to a global leadership development survey, 86 % of companies said they used coaching to sharpen skills of managers who were identified as future leaders (Harvard Business Review). The Hay Group study of Fortune 500 companies found that 25-40% of corporations use Executive Coaching.

Effectiveness of coaching

One-on-one executive coaching provides:
• Focused approach to harnessing the true potential of the executive;
• Achievement of clearly defined measurable objectives that are collectively agreed between the organization, the leader being coached, and the coach;
• Observable behavioral change and business impact within a defined time frame.
Let’s take a look at how coaching can benefit your next generation of leaders; leaders you are bringing into your organization from the outside; and current leaders who need to up their game to meet new strategic and global challenges.

Engaging with a coach triggers a paradigm shift in perspectives and perceived ‘barriers’ are identified. With a clear purpose, coaching is most effective for executives who are willing to invest in their growth and review their behavior for the long term success of the organization.

Coaching is developmental not corrective

The successful executives too can be coached. A professional who looks into your practice and skills from the outside can often guide you to higher levels. It is lonely at the top. Leadership position by its very nature often isolates the entrepreneur or CEO and he often finds himself unable to brainstorm his business strategy with colleagues. Certain business decisions may appear “high risk” at that moment in time. It also requires tremendous courage and clarity of thought to actually implement the “non-popular” decisions. A sense of denial may creep in, in the face of adversity. A coach is able to support the top management to keep their eye on the vision and chart out a new course of action.

In situations of high pressure where there is sudden loss of clarity of thought, a coach may be able to reconnect the individual with the reality. Alternatively, a coach could work with affected people to recreate their life by looking for innovative opportunities. Also, in difficult times, de-motivated leaders are unable to motivate their team to perform effectively and creatively. Executive coaching provides support to the leaders in these stressful times to create motivated and inspired teams for the future.

Communication

“The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished,” George Bernard Shaw.
1. Open communication - The biggest gap in communication that I observe is the “lack of openness”. Often what’s understood is not what’s intended and people see no reason to seek clarifications. Sadly, both parties may not take the initiative to “ask” and continue to build the relationship on “assumptions”.
2. Flow of information – Communication is considered powerful and complete when the message transmitted is well understood by the receiver in the manner intended by the sender. It is not just the ability to speak in a dialect or language. It involves the flow of information, ideas, concepts, thoughts from one person to another.
3. Forms of communication - Spoken words, gestures and expressions (body language) and the unsaid thoughts are the various expressions of communication. Our thoughts dominate our words and expressions.
4. Context vs content - For communication to be effective it is essential to focus on the context or the underlying emotions rather than just the words or what is heard.
5. Active listening - Listening with a purpose, it may be to gain information, obtain directions, understand others, solve problems, share interest, see how another person feels, show support, etc. It requires that the listener attends to the words and the feelings of the sender for understanding.
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”

Discipline

Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger you become. The less you train it, the weaker you become.

1. Consistent commitment – I was once coaching a professional who asked me if he wanted to change his habit of poor time management, what was the best way to achieve it. Perseverance and patience or in short, discipline, was the key word. Once you decide to accomplish something, you got to stay at it. Of course, one faces deviations along the way, but it’s a question of vision vs goals. For instance, Lance Armstrong trained for miles and hours to achieve championship position on the bicycle.

2. Long term perspective – Any change whether in process, behavior or relationship, takes time. Slow and steady is a difficult attitude at times in this dynamic environment and it is easy to slip into a negative abyss. Leadership is all about doing what's right rather than what's easy.

3. Effort = Result - Normally, the effort you invest into a project determines the outcome. If you can live with the thought of “This too shall pass”, in the long run, you stand to gain. Be your own competition and for every work done well, raise the bar.

4. Ride the tide - Tough times make great leaders. Maintain the champion's mindset by reading motivating books, associating with excellent people and making time each day to renew your self. Believe in your abilities and intellect rather than being dampened by volatile stock prices!

5. Activity log – Maintaining an activity log of things to do on a regular basis assist in prioritizing what’s urgent and what’s important. Gradually, one is able to assess and accomplish without going into a flap all the time. Its not always about crisis management only.