Playing the game of life

“Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it.” Sai Baba

Life is what we make of it; nothing more, nothing less. Life is not about getting what we want; we get what we deserve. Nature takes its own time and life is full of surprises. We are responsible for making our life what it is in the present moment. We accept accolades and feel good about ourselves when we are successful to the extent we start feeling ‘how great am I’. However, when we are faced with difficulties or a failure, we look outwards and blame the world. What happens then, where does that sense of responsibility and arrogance of greatness go? How come we are unable to apply that greatness to face life?

What is it that prevents us from going deeper and harnessing that same ability to encounter difficulties and convert them into opportunities. That arrogant ignorant mind gets caught in the delusion of ‘I know it all’ and we forget to sit back and reflect. When we read the biography of any leader, there are elements of adventure, risk, fearlessness, pain, perseverance and sacrifice. They explore their boundaries and rarely stay in their comfort zone. Many people get caught in time warps about their concepts of how their world should ideally be. There is no ideal; there is no constant. To keep growing, we need to stay alert to change and be aware of our purpose of life.

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.” Einstein

Curiosity and experimentation like a scientist, is the key to redesigning life. The way we master new information about various objects in the external world, we can also change perspectives about ourselves by shifting the subject of curiosity inwards. We view life through our lens of beliefs, memories and interpretations. Over time, our life develops a defining theme – poor me, let me be, I’m cool, I’m like that only, I’m the best, I’m no good……and we get stuck in a vicious circle. These themes are like movies with sequels. We keep producing film after film with the same characters and theme and selling it to the world with a deep desire for people to buy it not once, but repeatedly. The irony is that we sell the story repeatedly to convince ourselves that we are right to live the way we are living. While living from one wave of experience after another, we forget to ask ourselves – ‘who is the author of this script and who has the power to rewrite the script?’

In the ancient Vedic culture, a child was sent to a Gurukul for the Guru to identify the inherent unique talent, nurture the same and teach the rules of exhibiting the talent in the game of life. As the Gurukul system diminished, the joint family system came into place, wherein the elders of the family took the place of the Guru. In a world of globalization, people live in nuclear families and there is limited inter-action with elders or ability to learn from another person’s experience. The society is more focused around winning rather than nurturing and evolving and obviously no one can always win.

As a coach, I work with people to restructure their life by creating new patterns of thinking. For instance, I worked with an executive who grew up in a fragmented family environment and did not have a secure upbringing. The feeling of  ‘I’m unloved’ was deeply ingrained that every relationship was viewed from this sense of distrust. This manifested as a desperate need to stay in control due to the inability to trust, delegate, work in teams and communicate openly. Life was caught in a circle of ‘how do I prove that I am worth it’.

When our foundation is weak, we grow into confused and agitated adults and live in disappointment. In the race to win, we rarely take out time to introspect and reflect to build our sportsman spirit. It takes tremendous courage and discipline to actually apply what is learnt and follow through. Old habits dominate our behavior and any new habit or way of thinking takes time.

When we are young, we need external support and validation. As an adult we have the ability to empower ourselves and seek support when required. We also have the ability to make choices, take decisions, take actions and manage the consequences. We are no longer helpless or incapable. However, out of sheer habit, we keep seeking that external validation. We can choose to be as we wish to be as long as we are willing to face the consequences of that choice.

To become the master of our life, we need to play it like a sport. Like any game, firstly there is a need to understand our own strengths and limitations and that of the other players. Also, no sportsman plays without turn. They play from their place of strength by staying alert to such opportunities and passing over others rather than getting out when they know its beyond their capacity.

“Don't walk through life just playing football. Don't walk through life just being an athlete. Athletics will fade. Character and integrity and really making an impact on someone's life, that's the ultimate vision, that's the ultimate goal - bottom line.” Ray Lewis

Nature is designed to make us Let go

Nature is designed to make us Let go

  

Hindu philosophy recommends under the Ashram system that human life be divided into four periods. The goal of each period was the ideal fulfillment of each of the four consecutive stages of life. Brahmacharya or Student Stage;

Grihastha or Householder Stage; Vanaprastha or Hermit Stage; Sannyasa or Ascetic Stage. These stages were designed to allow a man to live a full life according to the laws of nature.

It suddenly dawned on me that every law of nature and every circumstance are designed for detachment. This is the oldest philosophical lesson and never too late to learn. Clouds come and go, the sun rises and sets, earth moves, seasons change, there is birth and death at all times.

Looking back, after the birth of a child, the ability to walk independently leads to detachment from carrying the baby, student life creates gradual detachment through education and adolescence is the start of the child learning to become responsible for one’s own physical and emotional well being. Similarly, middle age is the start of Vanaprastha stage where one needs to start learning to shift focus once again. 

To flow with these changes effortlessly, letting go is the only answer. What prevents us from letting go? There is limited awareness and focus on spiritual knowledge. We learn how to achieve, earn money, about the physical body and world of objects. There is negligible space given to another subject - how best to apply all this information to our life in the most efficient and effortless manner.

Why is there limited focus? Is that again a play of nature? We go through success and failure, joy and sorrow; and only when we are pushed against the wall, do we truly seek. Till then, we live in a deep slumber and keep fighting with ourselves. We create chaos in our life and then we look for ways to understand it or unravel it. I am amused, is that a way of feeling occupied and important?

There are rules to every sport and sharing spiritual knowledge too is another sport to be played. Like any other field of achievement or education, mastery is acquired through consistent practice and by playing with the rules. Every body of knowledge is a teaching that forms the pillars of life and spiritual knowledge is the foundation on which these pillars need to be constructed. There is limited significance given to the subject of spirituality due to ignorance, beliefs and perceptions. If we were to understand and regard spirituality as the science of thoughts and acquire knowledge like any other scientific study, our attitude towards this subject would change and so would our life.

A teacher or a coach has the ability to draw out the potential from people and help them grow into independent individuals. It’s all about serving one another.  Sports coaches work with people to become better sportsmen and life coaches work with people to live their life better.

As a coach, I use the knowledge of spirituality to be a catalyst for people to feel empowered and achieve their dreams. My dream is about seeing people feel fulfilled with their life, a cricketers dream is to inspire and entertain people, a doctors dream is to heal people and bankers dream is to make people financially empowered. I too got caught in this play and thought that I had a special gift to improve the world. Without the other gifts of knowledge that I acquired through life, I would not be able to live this life. The joke is back on me. I started with wanting to become free and I ended up getting entrapped in the sense of power of knowledge that was to free me. All I need to do is live life authentically and celebrate every moment of life.

Beauty in diversity

Beauty in Diversity

“The diversity of the phenomena of nature is so great and the treasures hidden in the heavens so rich, precisely in order that the human mind shall never be lacking in fresh nourishment.” Johannes Kepler

Walking in the garden I was marveling at nature’s miracle in creating different color flowers, leaves and butterflies. There are trees for shade and grass to lie down, gentle breeze and fragrance all around. The sound of birds chirping and rustle of leaves is calming and the smell of the mud after the first rain shower is invigorating. I can spend hours just observing, enjoying and learning from nature. The attention to detail and the level of diversity is astounding.

I am humbled just looking in awe at the possible variety that I see around. And there is so much more underwater and in other parts of the earth and universe that is beyond description.

Similarly, there is amazing diversity in human beings. Each person is different from another. Every person’s thinking, emotions, circumstances, physical attributes, skills, personality are different. Even twins may share the same physical features but are often different personalities. I am passionate about coaching because every inter-action with is unique and unpredictable.

Recently, I was asked why are people so emotional. I believe we are able to enjoy the world and learn only when there are different perspectives, passions, beliefs, desires and intelligences. Our emotions keep us engaged in the world and keep the cycle of life going through relationships. After all, we enjoy a book or a movie that has thrill, action, drama, comedy, romance or suspense. Documentaries keep us enthralled to the point of learning something new that may trigger an inspiration or address a passion.

I remember during school days, our class was shuffled regularly. We no doubt groaned about the change, however, it enabled us to learn to make new friends, stretched our ability to get along with different personalities and made us adaptable. We gravitate towards people who think alike. This limits our flexibility to stretch to communicate with people from different backgrounds.

I have been part of a group for the last few years, where the mantra is diversity. I had got so used to being around a certain type of people that I found it difficult to communicate effectively. With time, I realized that I had stopped using the power of observation and appreciation and was resisting the stretch. It has been a phenomenal experience. Now, I enjoy being with the group and have learnt to look at people from their lens. To observe, I had to remain silent and in that silence I was able to see people for their goodness, see their dreams and their humanness. As I sat back and listened, I was also able to see myself because I started learning to pause before speaking. To be understood, I first had to learn to understand.

When we interact with nature, we have to silently observe to study the behavior pattern. My family is very passionate about wildlife photography and to get a good picture they need to sit quietly for hours and be in tune with the animals. Capturing a unique or perfect photograph requires patience and the ability to be present in the moment. The play of light and the colours of trees and grass need to be balanced with the animal. One is able to do so only when there is true appreciation and joy for the beauty in diversity

Drama of Life

Drama of life       

“To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.” George Santayana

Seasons are a part of nature’s cycle and we adapt to that change by wearing cool, warm or monsoon gear. Whereas when it comes to our life, we resist change till the rubber band of tolerance is ready to snap. We entangle ourselves in our own web of emotions and then we don’t know how to extricate out of it.

I remember meeting Swami Advaitanandji some years ago, when I got cold feet just before the launch of my book and asked him that what should I do with the book. Swamiji laughed and remarked, why are you even thinking, just do what needs to be done. It sounded simplistic and obvious, yet I agonized for weeks and made life difficult for myself by meeting so many people from PR agencies, book stores, authors and everyone possible. Finally, I did what needed to be done – I sent a personalized note for all friends and colleagues with a copy of my book. The response that I received was better, with least amount of money and time spent. I knew all along that the book was a gift of nature and what was required was selfless sharing of knowledge. I created stress by resisting what was the right thing to do and thinking too much. I got sucked into desire for success, fame, recognition etc and complicated my life.

Why do we think so much? We spend so much time thinking about what’s in it for me, what will happen to me, what if…….these thoughts drain energy and cause fatigue. We refuse to give ourselves a break for even a moment to ask – what is my duty as a human being, what is the best outcome for a win-win solution? We think about worst-case scenarios, how to protect ourselves, how to stay within our comfort zone, how the world and its people are so bad. It’s an list of endless whining. What about us – are we perfect?

Hope is a great gift and curse. It keeps us going but it also slows us down when we can get stuck in wishful thinking. I am reminded of an analogy I heard as a child – a pigeon closes its eyes when it sees a cat in the hope that it will not be able to see the pigeon. Similarly, by pretending or wishful thinking, circumstances do not disappear or correct. No sportsman wins a medal without rigour and action. Life too is a sport, it has its rules, trials and tribulations. Enjoy the Sport.

“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.” Maya Angelou

Contentment

Contentment

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” Omar Khayyam

We all seek happiness. Most regard is as an illusive sentiment and hence the search continues. Often people are happy only when they have a target or project to keep busy; or when relationships and life is going as they want; or when on vacation; or when they make others happy. Are we able to be happy with life per se? As soon as life is off schedule or plan or unable to keep us occupied, we start looking for entertainment from the world. We are one of the most miraculous creations of nature. What prevent us from enjoying ourselves? Are we so inadequate?

We resist taking responsibility for our sense of contentment and instead make ourselves dependent upon goals and targets and people to keep us occupied and numb our senses to feel occupied and create a false sense of contentment. We have been gifted with creation and creativity. It is up to us to take responsibility to be content with our life rather than be dependent upon circumstances and objects and constantly look for life to make us happy.

In my experience, the acceptance that everything is transient and change is the essence of life is the first step to taking responsibility for life. Every time there is change, we need stability at some level. If we have no internal stability, we keep looking for external means for stabilizing our life and given that creation is dynamic, there is no hope. Our sense of inadequacy or dependence arises from our inability to take responsibility for our emotions. Emotions or thoughts in the mind can be controlled only through a disciplined lifestyle. A child needs school routine to learn the format or concept of self discipline. Similarly, as adults we have jobs to structure our life. Now, the problem arises when we have neither to act as an anchor and we need to create our own anchor. As adults, it is critical for us to understand that we need to develop our own mechanism to structure our life. Society cannot be our guardian forever.

Emotions are designed to run amok and create havoc with our thoughts. We have the capacity to rein in these emotions but once again we have to take responsibility for our emotions rather than expect the world to keep satisfying our emotional needs.

As a child my parents and school were my anchor, then my job and after I got married, my family became my anchor. As everyone got busy with their routine, the fear of being rudderless pushed me into seeking to create my own anchor. I was scared of being this nasty old nagging woman and losing the love of people near to me. As we grow old, we often feel lonely because suddenly our responsibilities towards our family diminish and we have limited avenues to occupy our time or to make us feel valued. The family is then going through their stage of growth and independence and conflict of interest arises.

I had been a fairly disciplined person. However, with the responsibilities of life and changing circumstances, there was need for further rigor and adaptation. With rapidly changing circumstances, I had started to complain about feeling out of control. Although I had repeatedly been advised to start my day early and give my self time for spiritual reading and exercise, I kept putting it off that I will do it when I get the time or when I am less tired or when I am ready. It was a chicken and egg situation. Some time ago, I decided to take charge when I found myself unable to hold my head in place. I changed my routine and instituted it upon myself to wake up every morning, weekend or not, at 6am to read scriptures, listen to devotional songs and then exercise. I started noticing the stability that this discipline granted me. My mind started learning who was the master. There has been a definite lifting of the clouds in the head and surge in creativity. I am being able to manage more work with efficiency and am less fearful of circumstances. There is a sense of empowerment that has clearly arisen out of taking responsibility for my thoughts.

I still enjoy my emotions but they control me less than before. Life is falling more into perspective. I observe and enjoy miracles of creation more. When a surge of emotions hit me, I am teaching myself to wait for the flood to recede because I know it will. We shall overcome!

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.” Helen Keller