Control your thoughts

Control


There are often news items about drunken driving and the police are always attempting to remind people not to drink and drive. They use advertisements or sudden checks and even imprisonment to reinforce the danger of the same. Yet there are enough incidents of felony. We live our life the same way – like drivers in a drunken stupor.

Centuries ago through the form of mythological stories, fables and religious scriptures, the way to living a powerful life have been enumerated. We continue to ignore the warnings and increase our suffering. When you learn how to drive a car, you are cautious and allow the instructor to guide you. However, when you receive a driving license, gradually you forget some of the rules and you feel that now you can drive with your own rules. Some drive in the fast lane and may meet with an accident, whereas another may drive in the slow lane and suffer the blares of the horns. Keeping to the middle lane or a path of moderation is the toughest discipline.

Another analogy is that driving requires tremendous dexterity. You cannot control how the others will drive around you or who will suddenly cut your lane or apply the brakes in front of you. You can only ensure that you stay alert and in control of your vehicle rather than expect everyone to watch out. Similarly in life, you cannot control your circumstances but only discipline the mind yourself to stay in control of your reactions to the same.

For instance, you cannot choose your parents or your surroundings. What you can however be in control of is what values you imbibe from them and your surroundings. India is a country that where dual perspectives co-exist at every turning – you see slums along with sky rises, beggars next to posh cars, designer stores and the small grocery stores. You can either focus at the discrimination or the lack of development or the level of progress or above all, have gratitude for what you have. It is this choice of perspective that is entirely in our hands.

We exercise choices at every moment of our life - to eat or fast, to work or not, to marry or stay single. All these choices are with us and we act upon them on the basis of our beliefs, interpretations of possibilities of life, family influences and so on. However, what we commonly forget is that firstly, we made that choice and also every choice comes with a price attached to it.

When we choose to get educated, it requires the discipline of doing homework, studying for exams and following the rules of the institution. School is no doubt fun because you get an opportunity to make friends, explore your potential, learn different subjects and follow your passions. In this excitement of meeting friends and playing, a student sometimes forgets the other norms and each time a disciplinary action is taken, there is a sense of disappointment and sadness. I know its boring to be disciplined everyday and sometimes you feel like being inconsistent on your routine, however, the consequences of the inconsistency are also yours.
Any action goes hand in hand with responsibility of choice and consequences. The severity of the consequences often goes with the level or frequency of inconsistency. You can choose to stay healthy by observing care in what you eat or simply decide to enjoy the food and then fight the battle of the bulge.

A very common scenario that is even played out in TV serials is the relationship between a mother in law and daughter in law. There seems to be a preconceived notion that this relationship will not be normal. Every statement or remark uttered by either party is blown out of proportion and then starts the vicious cycle of control over the house, the poor husband/son and finances. Even if you are in control over the house or so on, are you truly in control of yourself. Obviously not, that is why there is a desperate need to hang onto external factors.

Now comes the big Question – how can I be in control of my life? As mentioned above, a student needs to abide to some rules to achieve the aspired grades or a person needs to follow a certain regime of food and exercise to maintain a healthy body. Similarly, there is process for feeling in control of your circumstances rather than being controlled by them.

Every aspect of life whether it s school, job or relationship has a certain set of rules that are predefined. If you channelize all your energies into anything that you want to accomplish (i.e. 100%) and do not discount your efforts with emotions such as a need for acknowledgement or approval, fears, ego, sense of righteousness or need to succeed, then the result achieved is remarkably different.

Of course, even if you give a relationship or work your 100%, sometimes you may not get the desired outcome because there are so many unknowns at the other end – another person’s needs, expectations, fears, motivating factors, personal biases etc. Here frustration tends to creep in because then you are trying to control how others should behave, react or respond rather than yourself. Now, that’s the ego speaking, where we try to fool ourselves that we can control or change others. You can attempt to influence only.

Till my governing thought process was – work is a challenge (because of any of the above impending emotions), it always appeared difficult, strenuous and demanding and above all, a drain on my energies. Over the years, I have changed the definition of work to - learning through processes such as marketing, delivering, success, failure. Now I actually enjoy the pursuit because at every step I learn and grow, there is self development. My work has not changed and neither has my market, all that has changed is my choice of perspective.

Oscar Wilde believed, “A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”


If you look at how a sail boat learns to adapt to the waves of the ocean, yet staying in control of its direction and destination. The sailboat knows that it has to befriend the moods of the wind and the water. It does not fight them but accepts them. It experiences a sense of freedom and space in the vastness of the ocean and it also realizes its insignificance in comparison. Be like a sail boat in your life and teach yourself to dance gracefully to the ups and downs of life.