Interview with Deborah Weed

Excerpts from Deborah Weed’s Interview with Ashu Khanna

Q: What is the biggest stumbling block that you come across?

A: Too many people lose sight of what they want in life. The coaching process is meant to give them clarity of thought and help them make the right choices. I see myself as an
unbiased sounding board. My job is to help my clients get ahead and change their
perspective.

Q: What is your personal philosophy on the best way to live life?

A: I live with an attitude of: never give up. There are always many options, life is all about abundance. I don’t wish to die with any regrets and learning never ends.

Q: How do you handle challenges?

A: It has been a hard toil at times. Like any other person, I too go through stress phases.
However, I know there is something to learn from each one so I fight it out.

Q: Have you always been a life coach?

A: Interestingly, I am from the typical financial organizations and have tasted the highs of success. I am surrounded by many people from the financial field who believed that their life had entered a dark alley last year.

Q: What did you learn from going from the financial world to the coaching one?

A: As an entrepreneur I did not always have answers for my balance sheet. However,
as a coach, I looked at my success from two perspectives: the change and success
quotient of the people I coached as well as my personal success.

Q: How do you measure your personal success?

A: I look at personal success as being able to balance my life, being at peace with my
choices and growing spiritually. My life is divided into many pizza slices and I enjoy
each one of them. I manage my work life from home; have two young children; help to
take care of an aging father; my mother in law lives in my house; I swim; walk; workout;
mediate; sing; socialize with friends and enjoy time with my husband.

Q: So you define success as more than just work?

A: It is far higher than professional success and cannot be measured in monetary terms.
Especially since it is sustainable unlike professional success, which is transient. My
personal equity is the contributions that I make to society and my personal growth.

Q: Right now, everyone is really concerned about their stream of income. Especially during this recession. What are your thoughts on this?

A: When people focus on their net worth alone, first of all they forget that they may have
many other talents that they have never explored or pursued. After all, our skill sets are
not limited to working in the corporate world. For instance, I am a chartered accountant
turned coach.

Q: Did you have prior coaching experience?

A: I had no prior knowledge or training as a coach. Neither was it something that just fell in my lap. I have worked towards recreating my life by trying many avenues.

Q: What is an example of some of the careers you have experimented with?

A: I tried my hand at opening a restaurant; looked into trading; graphic design, etc. I also
spent time, in between these search periods to develop myself by swimming; tennis;
piano; singing and painting. I am not an expert at any of these but I widened my
horizons tremendously.

Q: It sounds like you were open to learn. Do you think it’s easy to just jump in?

A: People today don’t want to fight it out. They want it easy all the way. Just high
SAT scores does not predict your success quotient for living your life.

Q: What is one of the biggest things that we should all be aware of?

A: That we need to take responsibility for ones own life and actions. We teach our children how to succeed but not how to live. If a person is able to take leadership of his life, many things will fall into place.

Q: What would you suggest that would help our society?

A: At Universities, students are taught every possible subject, but they do not focus on
self-awareness. I believe this is the highest success tool. Theories are taught and
certifications are given disproportionate significance but human attitude is ignored.

Q: You are so right. Is there anything else you would like to share?

A: Students spend the first 25 years of their life working towards an Ivy League MBA, then the next 25 in the arrogance of the same and the last 25 cleaning up the impact of those 50 years. I too am part of the same cycle and hence I understand the fall out. However, fortunately for me, the second phase did not last 25 years. It takes tremendous courage to live a life of design rather than a life based on society expectations. What we tend to forget is that society never lives your life for you. Society is simply a support structure.

Follow up questions by Deborah:

Q1. What would you suggest when a person gets stuck or has amassed a lot of disappointment?

A1. Getting stuck or disappointed: First and foremost, pain, struggle, getting stuck or suffering, whatever you wish to call it are all as much a part of life as joy, success, moving ahead etc. We are quick to embrace and enjoy one but not the other. If we look at both as part of whole, it makes it easier to look for solutions. I have normally adopted an attitude of confronting life - problems, blocks, issues, relationships and even myself. "No pain, no gain". Also, if you don't try something, how will you ever know if it works for you or not. I don't surrender or accept defeat before the fight. When I fight, I am aware that every confrontation has a fall out - its my choice which pain is better to live with - the disappointment or the fall out of the fight. It takes as much (if not more) courage to hang onto a disappointment.

Q2. Have you ever been stuck? How did you fight your way through?

A2. Of course, I get stuck even now. I am human after all. I confront myself to see what's holding me down - expectations, ego, fear or lack of trust. Most of the answers are within, so I search inside first and then go and act outside. There was a time in life when I only attacked outwards, not any longer. I understand that its my life and I have to take responsibility for whatever it brings on.

Q3. Why do most of us stay on one track are whole lives?

A3. Everyone is born with different courage levels and different aptitudes. People try different things at different levels and areas. So at times one may never know if someone is truly on the same track in just one visible aspect and not another. For instance, Mr Obama has a higher courage level than many of us. He had the courage to walk into unchartered territory. Many of us may not have the same courage to face the consequences of change and commitment to pursue an objective.

Q4. How can we learn to experiment with different things?

A4. No pain, no gain. We are born survivors. If you commit to any attitude, even failure, you will succeed in convincing yourself that you are a failure. Sadly, our fear of rejection or failure grips us and we convince ourselves very quickly that we cannot cross the barrier (which actually is largely self imposed).

Q5. Has society formed our rigidity, or are we just afraid of change?

A5. Society is made up of people like you and me. Its up to us to be a catalyst of change. Any change takes time and not everyone accepts it. Its up to you how high is your need for approval. Of course that said - one needs to respect others lives and the impact of your actions while taking these decisions.

Q6. Finally, would you offer your 5-10 top tips.

A6. Few tips to living life that have worked for me:
• Zest for life - its the best gift and we treat it too cheaply.
• Anything you learn is always an investment into your life.
• You are the master of your life.
• Like physics - every action has a reaction
• We can do far more than we often chose to do
• Whatever you commit to, you get. Law of attraction.
• There are no short cuts or miracles - its hard work, perseverance and desire to grow
• Additionally, compassion, humility and moderation - these 3 keep you going a long way.

Validation/ Acknowledgement

We all want our views, our emotions, our words and actions to be acknowledged. At times, we are willing to do anything to acheive this validation. Interestingly, you may be a university or school topper and acheiver, yet not feel acknowledged because somewhere deep within you may have decided to call yourself "Average". You may be benchmarking yourself with your parents, your siblings, your friends or anyone else and therefore, always convincing yourself that you are "Average".

This sentiment of life may fuel you to work hard and achieve success. However, you may question or continue to not accept the level of success because you have always lived with the belief of "I can't do it", or "It happened accidently to me". You are waiting for the next validation to make you believe that you are actually capable.

When does this vicious cycle come to an end? How many validations do we need?

Any number of validations cannot be enough till you acknowledge yourself.If you make seeking acknowledgements as the purpose of your life, you will get stuck and live your life at that level.