Is there really success and failure or it just learning

Success and Failure?

The world revolves around two major concepts – Success and Failure. There is constant talk about these outcomes -- whether it is in the form of grades of a student, box office performance of a movie or progression in business or career. The emphasis on the performance index is very high and sometimes skewed to the point of being singular.

Can success or failure be only measured in terms of numbers – money, test marks, profits, bonus and other “bottom lines”. Sadly, most of us get swayed by the report card of our child to the extent that we fail to look at the overall development such as the social skills, attitude of responsibility and respect, extra-curricular and above all, self confidence.

An entrepreneur is also constantly stressed with the changing bottom line. Any decline in profits and often the first point of attack comes on the costs. I understand that in trying times, there is a significant need to review expenses. On the other hand, is there adequate focus on increasing employee motivation, efficiency or creativity?

Parents tend to get paralyzed when they see “red”. How many actually go deep into the causes and confront those rather than just the symptoms. A child gets poor marks and parents’ immediately assume that the child didn’t study enough and either needs tuitions or grounding.

Failure and success are self defined concepts. When the outcome, reaction or consequence of an event is different than "perceived expectations", we term it as a success or failure. If the consequence is higher or positive than perceived expectations, we call it a "Success". On the other hand, if the outcome is lower than "perceived expectations", we term it as a "Failure". Essentially, there is simply a gap between the action due to either not knowing how to do the action or what the expectations at the other end are. Therefore, what is required is an understanding of the "Gap" and to use that as a tool/strategy towards consistent reaction.

Any action appears as a mistake only in hindsight once the outcome is known. In the present moment when the person is taking action, the intentions are "best". Fundamentally everyone always takes actions with the best intention of survival. You will never know whether an action will turn out to be a success or failure unless you make an attempt in the first place. Allow yourself the freedom and space to take "action". Your worries of the unknown restrict and limit you from taking an action in the first place and all "noble" intentions of actions get clouded.

I attended a program, Neuro Linguistic Programming (“NLP”), a concept researched and defined by Dr Richard Bandler. Dr Bandler studied if there was a pattern to the language of the brain. NLP is a model that suggests a co-relation between successful patterns of behavior and the subjective experiences (esp. patterns of thought) underlying them thereby influencing interpersonal communication. He realized that extraordinary performers had a better understanding of their “Gap” and effectively used their internal strengths i.e. “Resources”.

As evidenced in the story of Helen Keller, the brain is not born with a language of expression. All children have to be taught words, signs, symbols to enable them to connect with the world. Human beings interpret the information we receive through our senses like -- hear, touch, see, feel and taste. We use our senses in different proportions and develop our own techniques to perceive the world. If we are able to understand this “pattern”, we can then develop our personal “strategy” to design our life. For instance, organizations like McKinsey study various organizations to understand what makes some successful as compared to others. We can use a similar concept to understand what works for us and what does not i.e. understand our personal strategy and then gradually adapt ourselves accordingly. This enables us to live a life by design rather than accident.
President Barack Obama has very appropriately remarked, “Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. It's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.”
The key word that keeps repeating itself in different formats is “Learn”. If you are willing to learn and adapt, you move ahead in life. If you see similar incidents appearing in your life time and again (either positively or negatively) and make no effort to understand or learn, you get stuck or start looking at life as “chance” rather than “design”.

Life is dynamic and there is a constant need to adapt. Interestingly, behaviors that worked for us in a particular phase of life, become barriers or redundant in another phase of life. For instance, India adopted a policy of self reliance post-independence since there was a serious need to develop and give fillip to domestic industry. Concessions, subsidies and policies were designed to protect the economy. Gradually, as India moved from an agrarian economy to an industrial economy, a need to compete and modernize arose. This required a shift in policies and such.

Similarly, as we grow from childhood to adulthood, from being single to having a family, we need to adapt to the demands of our role. A child has the freedom to behave with utmost freedom since the impact of actions is limited. However, as one increases the circle of influence, the need to review the impact of one’s actions comes into play.

What is right action? The way I understand right action, is when we do “our best in relation to others”. For example, a thief does his best to cleverly plan and steal valuables and does his best by at not getting caught. Although the thief does his best, he does not do his best in relation to others.

In a family it is the responsibility of the elders to take everyone’s interest into account while taking any decision that may impact the family as a whole. The same rule applies to the leader of an organization. The organizational interest is the guiding factor in the decision making process of a leader. Along with the authority to take decisions, there is a tremendous responsibility that rests with the leader or elder of the family.

A classic scenario exists in many organizations - A person works hard gradually moving up the career ladder accomplishing small goals little by little and carries people along with him. As he progresses, he starts observing that many of his decisions have held him in good stead. This boosts his level of confidence to take larger and more significant risks and decisions. A sentiment of “I am right” becomes his strategy of life.

This feeling of being right fuels an innate ability to take on assignments where there is scope to prove oneself over and over. It becomes a vicious circle of being proven right and success. It’s a heady cocktail and it goes straight to the head, at times. Gradually, it creates barriers such as not listening to others ideas, suggestions or even feedback. A wall of righteousness gets erected subconsciously. This is when the clarity in the decision making process blurs due to a shift in motivation from seeking growth and knowledge to seeking power and recognition.

Slowly but surely, the team starts getting frustrated because their involvement reduces and impacts their creativity and motivation. The popular boss suddenly becomes the not so wanted boss. People start feeling stifled or scared. You don’t even realize when you may have missed some opportunities or ideas or signals because you stopped listening or watching. I am not saying that you are no longer right and all suggestions need to be implemented. What needs to be inquired is the current effectiveness of the strategy of “I am right” and the need to introduce a new strategy such as “Others are right as well”.

Professor Thomas Szasz of Psychiatry at the State University of New York aptly said, “Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily.”